V        7/*i 


6001 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA 
AT  LOS  ANGELES 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 
DAISY  ASHFORD 


THE    AUTHOR 


THE 

YOUNG   VISITERS 

OR,  MR.  SALTEENA'S  PLAN 


BY 


DAISY  ASHFORD 


WITH   A   PREFACE    BT 


J.  M.  BARRIE 


NEW  ^Sr  YORK 
GEORGE  H.  DORAN  COMPANY 


Copyright,  1919, 
By  George  H.  Doran  Company 


Printed  in  the  United  States  of  America 


Tft 

GOO 


CONTENTS 

PAGE 

PREFACE  BY  J.  M.  BARBIE vii 

CHAPTER 

1  QUITE  A  YOUNG  GIRL 23 

2  STARTING  GAILY ,27 

3  THE  FIRST  EVENING 36 

4  MR.  SALTEENAS  PLAN 41 

5  THE  CRYSTAL  PALACE 45 

6  HIGH  LIFE 59 

7  BERNARDS  IDEAR 74 

8  A  GAY  CALL 79 

9  A  PROPOSALS 88 

10  PREPARING  FOR  THE  FRAY.     ...  95 

11  THE  WEDDING 99 

12  How  IT  ENDED  .  102 


PREFACE 

THE  "owner  of  the  copyright"  guarantees 
that  "The  Young  Visiters"  is  the  unaided 
effort  in  fiction  of  an  authoress  of  nine 
years.  "Effort,"  however,  is  an  absurd 
word  to  use,  as  you  may  see  by  studying 
the  triumphant  countenance  of  the  child 
herself,  which  is  here  reproduced  as  frontis- 
piece to  her  sublime  work.  This  is  no  por- 
trait of  a  writer  who  had  to  burn  the  oil 
at  midnight  (indeed  there  is  documentary 
evidence  that  she  was  hauled  off  to  bed 
every  evening  at  six)  :  it  has  an  air  of  care- 
less power;  there  is  a  complacency  about 
it  that  by  the  severe  might  perhaps  be 
called  smugness.  It  needed  no  effort  for 
that  face  to  knock  off  a  masterpiece.  It 
probably  represents  precisely  how  she 
looked  when  she  finished  a  chapter.  When 
she  was  actually  at  work  I  think  the  ex- 
[vii] 


PREFACE 

pression  was  more  solemn,  with  the  tongue 
firmly  clenched  between  the  teeth;  an  un- 
holy rapture  showing  as  she  drew  near  her 
love  chapter.  Fellow-craftsmen  will  see 
that  she  is  looking  forward  to  this  chapter 
all  the  time. 

The  manuscript  is  in  pencil  in  a  stout 
little  note  book  (twopence),  and  there  it 
has  lain  for  years,  for  though  the  authoress 
was  nine  when  she  wrote  it  she  is  now  a 
grown  woman.  It  has  lain,  in  lavender  as 
it  were,  in  the  dumpy  note  book,  waiting 
for  a  publisher  to  ride  that  way  and  rescue 
it;  and  here  he  is  at  last,  not  a  bit  afraid 
that  to  this  age  it  may  appear  "Victorian." 
Indeed  if  its  pictures  of  High  Life  are 
accurate  (as  we  cannot  doubt,  the  authoress 
seems  always  so  sure  of  her  facts)  they  had 
a  way  of  going  on  in  those  times  which  is 
really  surprising.  Even  the  grand  histori- 
cal figures  were  free  and  easy,  such  as  King 
Edward,  of  whom  we  have  perhaps  the  most 
human  picture  ever  penned,  as  he  appears 
at  a  levee  "rather  sumshiously,"  in  a  "small 
[viii] 


PREFACE 

but  costly  crown,"  and  afterwards  slips 
away  to  tuck  into  ices.  It  would  seem  in 
particular  that  we  are  oddly  wrong  in  our 
idea  of  the  young  Victorian  lady  as  a  per- 
son more  shy  and  shrinking  than  the  girl 
of  to-day.  The  Ethel  of  this  story  is  a 
fascinating  creature  who  would  have  a 
good  time  wherever  there  were  a  few  males, 
but  no  longer  could  she  voyage  through  life 
quite  so  jollily  without  attracting  the  at- 
tention of  the  censorious.  Chaperon  seems 
to  be  one  of  the  very  few  good  words  of 
which  our  authoress  had  never  heard. 

The  lady  she  had  grown  into,  the  "owner 
of  the  copyright"  already  referred  to,  gives 
me  a  few  particulars  of  this  child  she  used 
to  be,  and  is  evidently  a  little  scared  by 
her.  We  should  probably  all  be  a  little 
scared  (though  proud)  if  that  portrait  was 
dumped  down  in  front  of  us  as  ours,  and  we 
were  asked  to  explain  why  we  once  thought 
so  much  of  ourselves  as  that. 

Except  for  the  smirk  on  her  face,  all  I 
can  learn  of  her  now  is  that  she  was  one  of 
[ix] 


PREFACE 

a  small  family  who  lived  in  the  country, 
invented  their  own  games,  dodged  the 
governess  and  let  the  rest  of  the  wrorld  go 
hang.  She  read  everything  that  came  her 
way,  including,  as  the  context  amply  proves, 
the  grown-up  novels  of  the  period.  "I 
adored  writing  and  used  to  pray  for  bad 
weather,  so  that  I  need  not  go  out  but 
could  stay  in  and  write."  Her  mother  used 
to  have  early  tea  in  bed ;  sometimes  visitors 
came  to  the  house,  when  there  was  talk 
of  events  in  high  society:  there  was  men- 
tion of  places  called  Hampton  Court,  the 
Gaiety  Theatre  and  the  "Crystale"  Palace. 
This  is  almost  all  that  is  now  remembered, 
but  it  was  enough  for  the  blazing  child. 
She  sucked  her  thumb  for  a  moment  (this  is 
guesswork),  and  sat  down  to  her  amazing 
tale. 

"Her  mother  used  to  have  early  tea  in 
bed."  Many  authors  must  have  had  a 
similar  experience,  but  they  all  missed  the 
possibilities  of  it  until  this  young  woman 
•ame  along.  It  thrilled  her;  and  tea  in 

M 


PEEPACB 

bed  at  last  takes  its  proper  place  in  fiction. 
"Mr  Salteena  woke  up  Farther  early  next 
day  and  was  delighted  to  find  Horace  the 
footman  entering  with  a  cup  of  tea.  Oh 
thank  you  my  man  said  Mr  Salteena  rolling 
over  in  the  costly  bed.  Mr  Clark  is  nearly 
out  of  the  bath  sir  announced  Horace  I 
will  have  great  pleasure  in  turning  it  on  for 
you  if  such  is  your  desire.  Well  yes  you 
might  said  Mr  Salteena  seeing  it  was  the 
idear."  Mr  Salteena  cleverly  conceals  his 
emotion,  but  as  soon  as  he  is  alone  he 
rushes  to  Ethel's  door,  "I  say  said  Mr  Sal- 
teena excitedly  I  have  had  some  tea  in  bed." 
"Sometimes  visitors  came  to  the  house." 
Nothing  much  in  that  to  us,  but  how  con- 
summately this  child  must  have  studied 
them;  if  you  consider  what  she  knew  of 
them  before  the  "viacle"  arrived  to  take 
them  back  to  the  station  you  will  never 
dare  to  spend  another  week-end  in  a  house 
where  there  may  be  a  novelist  of  nine  years. 
I  am  sure  that  when  you  left  your  bed- 
room this  child  stole  in,  examined  every- 
[xi] 


PREFACE 

thing  and  summed  you  up.  She  was  par- 
ticularly curious  about  the  articles  on  your 
dressing-table,  including  the  little  box  con- 
taining a  reddish  powder,  and  she  never 
desisted  from  watching  you  till  she  caught 
you  dabbing  it  on  your  cheeks.  This  pow- 
der, which  she  spells  "ruge,"  went  a  little 
to  her  head,  and  it  accompanies  Ethel  on 
her  travels  with  superb  effect.  For  in- 
stance, she  is  careful  to  put  it  on  to  be  pro- 
posed to;  and  again  its  first  appearance  is 
excused  in  words  that  should  henceforth 
be  serviceable  in  every  boudoir.  "I  shall 
put  some  red  ruge  on  my  face  said  Ethel 
becouse  I  am  very  pale  owing  to  the  drains 
in  this  house." 

Those  who  read  will  see  how  the  rooms  in 
Hampton  Court  became  the  "compart- 
ments" in  the  "Crystale"  Palace,  and  how 
the  "Gaierty"  Hotel  grew  out  of  the 
Gaiety  Theatre,  with  many  other  agreeable 
changes.  The  novelist  will  find  the  tale  a 
model  for  his  future  work.  How  incom- 
parably, for  instance,  the  authoress  dives 
[xii] 


PREFACE 

into  her  story  at  once.  How  cunningly 
throughout  she  keeps  us  on  the  hooks  of 
suspense,  jumping  to  Mr  Salteena  when  we 
are  in  a  quiver  about  Ethel,  and  turning  to 
Ethel  when  we  are  quite  uneasy  about  Mr 
Salteena.  This  authoress  of  nine  is  flirting 
with  her  readers  all  the  time.  Her  mind  is 
such  a  rich  pocket  that  as  she  digs  in  it  (her 
head  to  the  side  and  her  tongue  well  out) 
she  sends  up  showers  of  nuggets.  There 
seldom  probably  was  a  novelist  with  such 
an  uncanny  knowledge  of  his  characters  as 
she  has  of  Mr  Salteena.  The  first  line  of 
the  tale  etches  him  for  all  time :  "Mr  Sal- 
teena was  an  elderly  man  of  42  and  fond  of 
asking  people  to  stay  with  him."  On  the 
next  page  Salteena  draws  a  touching  pic- 
ture of  himself  in  a  letter  accepting  an 
invitation :  "I  do  hope  I  shall  enjoy  myself 
with  you.  I  am  fond  of  digging  in  the 
garden  and  I  am  parshal  to  ladies  if  they 
are  nice  I  suppose  it  is  my  nature.  I  am 
not  quite  a  gentleman  but  you  would  hardly 
notice  it  but  can't  be  helped  anyhow." 
[xiii] 


PREFACE 

"When  the  great  morning  arrived  Mr  Sal- 
teena  did  not  have  an  egg  for  his  breakfast 
in  case  he  should  be  sick  on  the  journey." 
For  my  part  I  love  Mr  Salteena,  who  has  a 
touch  of  Hamlet,  and  I  wished  up  to  the 
end  that  Ethel  would  make  him  happy, 
though  I  never  had  much  hope  after  I  read 
the  description  of  Bernard  Clark's  legs. 

It  is  not  to  be  wondered  at  that  Mr  Sal- 
teena soon  grew  "rarther  jellous"  of  Ber- 
nard, who  showed  off  from  the  first.  "My 
own  room  is  next  the  bathroom  said  Ber- 
nard it  is  decerated  dark  red  as  I  have 
somber  tastes.  The  bathroom  has  got  a 
tip  up  basin."  Thus  was  Mr  Salteena  put 
in  his  place,  and  there  the  cruel  authoress 
(with  her,  tongue  farther  out  than  ever) 
doggedly  keeps  him.  "After  dinner  Ethel 
played  some  merry  tunes  on  the  piano  and 
Bernard  responded  with  a  rarther  loud  song 
in  a  base  voice  and  Ethel  clapped  him  a 
good  deal.  Then  Mr  Salteena  asked  a  few 
riddles  as  he  was  not  musicle."  No  wonder 
Mr  Salteena  went  gloomily  to  bed,  not  to 
[xiv] 


PREFACE 

sleep,  but  to  think  out  the  greater  riddle  of 
how  to  become  a  gentleman,  with  which 
triumphant  adventure  the  book  is  largely 
concerned. 

To  many  the  most  instructive  part  of  the 
story  will  be  the  chapter  entitled  "Ber- 
nard's Idear."  Bernard's  "idear"  (warmly 
acclaimed  by  Ethel)  is  that  she  and  he 
should  go  up  to  London  "for  a  few  weeks 
gaierty."  Something  of  the  kind  has  often 
been  done  in  fiction  and  in  guide-books,  but 
never  probably  in  such  a  hearty  way  as 
here.  Arrived  at  the  "Gaierty"  Hotel  Ber- 
nard pokes  his  head  into  the  "window  of 
the  pay  desk.  Have  you  a  couple  of  bed- 
rooms for  self  and  young  lady  he  enquired 
in  a  lordly  way."  He  is  told  that  they  have 
two  beauties.  "Thank  you  said  Bernard 
we  will  go  up  if  you  have  no  objection. 
None  whatever  sir  said  the  genial  lady  the 
beds  are  well  aired  and  the  view  quite  pleas- 
ant. Come  along  Ethel  cried  Bernard  this 
sounds  alright  eh.  Oh  quite  said  Ethel  with 
a  beaming  smile."  He  decides  gallantly 
[xv] 


PREPACH 

that  the  larger  room  shall  be  here.  "I  shall 
be  quite  lost  in  that  large  bed,"  Ethel  says. 
"Yes  I  expect  you  will  said  Bernard  and 
now  what  about  a  little  table  d'ote  followed 
by  a  theatre?" 

Bernard's  proposal  should  be  carried  in 
the  pocket  of  all  future  swains.  He  decides 
"whilst  imbibing  his  morning  tea  beneath 
the  pink  silken  quilt,"  that  to  propose  in 
London  would  not  be  the  "correct  idear." 
He  springs  out  of  bed  and  knocks  at  Ethel's 
door.  "Are  you  up  my  dear?  he  called. 
Well  not  quite  said  Ethel  hastily  jumping 
from  her  downy  nest."  He  explains  his 
"idear."  "Oh  hurrah  shouted  Ethel  I  shall 
soon  be  ready  as  I  had  my  bath  last  night 
so  won't  wash  very  much  now." 

They  go  up  the  river  in  a  boat,  and  after 
they  had  eaten  and  "drunk  deeply  of  the 
charming  viands  ending  up  with  merangs 
and  chocklates,"  Bernard  says  "in  a  pas- 
sionate voice  Let  us  now  bask  under  the 
spreading  trees.  Oh  yes  lets  said  Ethel." 
"Ethel  he  murmered  in  a,  trembly  voice, 
[xvi] 


PBBFACB 

Oh  what  is  it  said  Ethel."  What  it  was  (as 
well  she  knew)  was  love  eternal.  Ethel 
accepts  him,  faints  and  is  brought  back  to 
life  by  a  clever  "idear"  of  Bernard's,  who 
pours  water  on  her.  "She  soon  came  to 
and  looked  up  with  a  sickly  smile.  Take  me 
back  to  the  'Gaierty'  Hotel  she  whispered 
faintly.  With  pleasure  my  darling  said 
Bernard  I  will  just  pack  up  our  viands  ere 

I  unloose  the  boat.    Ethel  felt  better  after 
• 

a  few  drops  of  champaigne  and  began  to 
tidy  her  hair  while  Bernard  packed  the 
remains  of  the  food.  Then  arm  in  arm  they 
tottered  to  the  boat,  I  trust  you  have  not 
got  an  illness  my  darling  murmured  Ber- 
nard as  he  helped  her  in,  Oh  no  I  am  very 
strong  said  Ethel  I  fainted  from  joy  she 
added  to  explain  matters.  Oh  I  see  said 
Bernard  handing  her  a  cushion  well  some 
people  do  he  added  kindly." 

"So  I  will  end  my  chapter,"  the  authoress 
says;  and  we  can  picture  her  doing  it  com- 
placently, and  slowly  pulling  in  her  tongue. 

Ethel  was  married  in  the  Abbey.  Her 
[xvii] 


PREFACE 

wedding  dress  was  "a  rich  satin  with  a 
humped  pattern  of  gold  on  the  pure  white 
and  it  had  a  long  train  edged  with  Airum 
lillies."  "You  will  indeed  be  a  charming 
spectacle  my  darling  gasped  Bernard  as 
they  left  the  shop,"  and  I  have  no  doubt 
she  was.  She  got  many  delightful  presents, 
the  nicest  of  all  being  from  her  father,  who 
"provided  a  cheque  for  £2  and  promised  to 
send  her  a  darling  little  baby  calf  when 
ready."  This  is  perhaps  the  prettiest  touch 
in  the  story  and  should  make  us  all  take  off 
our  hats  to  the  innocent  wondering  mind 
that  thought  of  it. 

Poor  Mr  Salteena.  He  was  at  the  wed- 
ding, dressed  in  black  and  crying  into  his 
handkerchief.  However  he  recovered  to  an 
extent  and  married  Another  and  had  ten 
children,  "five  of  each,"  none  of  them  of 
course  equal  to  Ethel's  children,  of  whom 
in  a  remarkably  short  time  there  were 
seven,  which  the  authoress  evidently  con- 
siders to  be  the  right  "idear." 

It  seems  to  me  to  be  a  remarkable  work 
[xviii] 


PREFACE 

for  a  child,  remarkable  even  in  its  length 
and  completeness,  for  when  children  turn 
author  they  usually  stop  in  the  middle,  like 
the  kitten  when  it  jumps.  The  pencilled 
MS.  has  been  accurately  reproduced,  not  a 
word  added  or  cut  out.  Each  chapter  being 
in  one  long  paragraph,  however,  this  has 
been  subdivided  for  the  reader's  comfort. 

J.  M.  BARRIE. 


[xix] 


THK  YOUNG  VISITERS 


THE 

YOUNG   VISITERS 

CHAPTER  1 

QUITE  A  YOUNG  GIRL 

MR  SALTEENA  was  an  elderly  man  of  42  and 
was  fond  of  asking  peaple  to  stay  with  him. 
He  had  quite  a  young  girl  staying  with  him 
of  17  named  Ethel  Monticue.  Mr  Salteena 
had  dark  short  hair  and  mustache  and 
wiskers  which  were  very  black  and  twisty. 
He  was  middle  sized  and  he  had  very  pale 
blue  eyes.  He  had  a  pale  brown  suit  but 
on  Sundays  he  had  a  black  one  and  he  had  a 
topper  every  day  as  he  thorght  it  more  be- 
coming. Ethel  Monticue  had  fair  hair  done 
on  the  top  and  blue  eyes.  She  had  a  blue 
velvit  frock  which  had  grown  rarther  short 
in  the  sleeves.  She  had  a  black  straw  hat 
and  kid  gloves. 

[23] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

One  morning  Mr  Salteena  came  down  to 
brekfast  and  found  Ethel  had  come  down 
first  which  was  strange.  Is  the  tea  made 
Ethel  he  said  rubbing  his  hands.  Yes  said 
Ethel  and  such  a  quear  shaped  parcel  has 
come  for  you  Yes  indeed  it  was  a  quear 
shape  parcel  it  was  a  hat  box  tied  down 
very  tight  and  a  letter  stuffed  between  the 
string.  Well  well  said  Mr  Salteena  parcels 
do  turn  quear  I  will  read  the  letter  first 
and  so  saying  he  tore  open  the  letter  and 
this  is  what  it  said 

MY  DEAR  ALFRED. 

I  want  you  to  come  for  a  stop  with  me 
so  I  have  sent  you  a  top  hat  wraped  up  in 
tishu  paper  inside  the  box.  Will  you  wear 
it  staying  with  me  because  it  is  very 
uncommon.  Please  bring  one  of  your  young 
ladies  whichever  is  the  prettiest  in  the  face. 
I  remain  Yours  truely 

BERNARD  CLARK. 
[24] 


QUITE  A  YOUNG  GIRL 

Well  said  Mr  Salteena  I  shall  take  you  to 
stay  Ethel  and  fancy  him  sending  me  a  top 
hat.  Then  Mr  S.  opened  the  box  and  there 
lay  the  most  splendid  top  hat  of  a  lovly 
rich  tone  rarther  like  grapes  with  a  ribbon 
round  compleat. 

Well  said  Mr  Salteena  peevishly  I  dont 
know  if  I  shall  like  it  the  bow  of  the  ribbon 
is  too  flighty  for  my  age.  Then  he  sat  down 
and  eat  the  egg  which  Ethel  had  so  kindly 
laid  for  him.  After  he  had  finished  his 
meal  he  got  down  and  began  to  write  to 
Bernard  Clark  he  ran  up  stairs  on  his  fat 
legs  and  took  out  his  blotter  with  a  loud 
sniff  and  this  is  what  he  wrote 

MY  DEAR  BERNARD 

Certinly  I  shall  come  and  stay  with 
you  next  Monday  I  will  bring  Ethel  Mon- 
ticue  commonly  called  Miss  M.  She  is  very 
active  and  pretty.  I  do  hope  I  shall  enjoy 
myself  with  you.  I  am  fond  of  digging  in 
the  garden  and  I  am  parshial  to  ladies  if 
[25] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITEES 

they  are  nice  I  suppose  it  is  my  nature.  I 
am  not  quite  a  gentleman  but  you  would 
hardly  notice  it  but  <?ant  be  helped  anyhow. 
We  will  come  by  the  3-15. 

Your  old  and  valud  friend 
ALFRED  SALTEENA. 

Perhaps  my  readers  will  be  wondering 
why  Bernard  Clark  had  asked  Mr  Salteena 
to  stay  with  him.  He  was  a  lonely  man  in 
a  remote  spot  and  he  liked  peaple  and 
partys  but  he  did  not  know  many.  What 
rot  muttered  Bernard  Clark  as  he  read  Mr 
Salteenas  letter.  He  was  rarther  a  pre- 
sumshious  man. 


[26] 


H**~*  * 


THE  FIRST  PAGE   OF  THE  OEIQINAL  MANUSCRIPT 


CHAPTER  2 

STARTING  GAILY 

WHEN  the  great  morning  came  Mr  Salteena 
did  not  have  an  egg  for  his  brekfast  in  case 
he  should  be  sick  on  the  jorney. 

What  top  nat  will  you  wear  asked  Ethel. 

I  shall  wear  my  best  black  and  my  white 
alpacka  coat  to  keep  off  the  dust  and  flies 
replied  Mr  Salteena. 

I  shall  put  some  red  ruge  on  my  face  said 
Ethel  because  I  am  very  pale  owing  to  the 
drains  in  this  house. 

You  will  look  very  silly  said  Mr  Salteena 
with  a  dry  laugh. 

Well  so  will  you  said  Ethel  in  a  snappy 
tone  and  she  ran  out  of  the  room  with  a 
very  superier  run  throwing  out  her  legt 
behind  and  her  arms  swinging  in  rithum. 
[27] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

Well  said  the  owner  of  the  house  she  has 
a  most  idiotick  run. 

Presently  Ethel  came  back  in  her  best  hat 
and  a  lovly  velvit  coat  of  royal  blue.  Do 
I  look  nice  in  my  get  up  she  asked. 

Mr  Salteena  survayed  her.  You  look 
rarther  rash  my  dear  your  colors  dont  quite 
match  your  face  but  never  mind  I  am  just 
going  up  to  say  goodbye  to  Rosalind  the 
housemaid. 

Well  dont  be  long  said  Ethel.  Mr  S. 
skipped  upstairs  to  Rosalinds  room.  Good- 
bye Rosalind  he  said  I  shall  be  back  soon 
and  I  hope  I  shall  enjoy  myself. 

I  make  no  doubt  of  that  sir  said  Rosalind 
with  a  blush  as  Mr  Salteena  silently  put 
2/6  on  the  dirty  toilet  cover. 

Take  care  of  your  bronkitis  said  Mr  S. 
rarther  bashfully  and  he  hastilly  left  the 
room  waving  his  hand  carelessly  to  the 
housemaid. 

Come  along  cried  Ethel  powdering  her 
nose  in  the  hall  let  us  get  into  the  cab.  Mr 
[28] 


STARTING  GAILY 

Salteena  did  not  care  for  powder  but  he 
was  an  unselfish  man  so  he  dashed  into  the 
cab.  Sit  down  said  Ethel  as  the  cabman 
waved  his  whip  you  are  standing  on  my 
luggage.  Well  I  am  paying  for  the  cab 
said  Mr  S.  so  I  might  be  allowed  to  put  my 
feet  were  I  like. 

They  traveled  2nd  class  in  the  train  and 
Ethel  was  longing  to  go  first  but  thought 
perhaps  least  said  soonest  mended.  Mr 
Salteena  got  very  excited  in  the  train  about 
his  visit.  Ethel  was  calm  but  she  felt 
excited  inside.  Bernard  has  a  big  house 
said  Mr.  S.  gazing  at  Ethel  he  is  inclined 
to  be  rich.  ^ 

Oh  indeed  said  Ethel  looking  at  some 
cows  flashing  past  the  window.  Mr.  S.  felt 
rarther  disheartened  so  he  read  the  paper 
till  the  train  stopped  and  the  porters 
shouted  Rickamere  station.  We  had  better 
collect  our  traps  said  Mr  Salteena  and  just 
then  a  very  exalted  footman  in  a  cocked 
hat  and  olive  green  uniform  put  his  head  in 
[29] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITEBS 

at  the  window.  Are  you  for  Rickamere 
Hall  he  said  in  impressive  tones. 

Well  yes  I  am  said  Mr  Salteena  and  so  is 
this  lady. 

Very  good  sir  said  the  noble  footman  if 
you  will  alight  I  will  see  to  your  luggage 
there  is  a  convayance  awaiting  you. 

Oh  thankyou  thankyou  said  Mr.  S.  and 
he  and  Ethel  stepped  along  the  platform. 
Outside  they  found  a  lovely  cariage  lined 
with  olive  green  cushons  to  match  the 
footman  and  the  horses  had  green  bridles 
and  bows  on  their  manes  and  tails.  They 
got  gingerly  in.  Will  he  bring  our  luggage 
asked  Ethel  nervously. 

I  expect  so  said  Mr  Salteena  lighting  a 
very  long  cigar. 

Do  we  tip  him  asked  Ethel  quietly. 

Well  no  I  dont  think  so  not  yet  we  had 
better  just  thank  him  perlitely. 

Just  then  the  footman  staggered  out  with 
the  bagage.  Ethel  bowed  gracefully  over 
the  door  of  the  cariage  and  Mr  S.  waved  hie 
[30] 


STARTING  GAILY 

hand  as  each  bit  of  luggage  was  hoisted  up 
to  make  sure  it  was  all  there.  Then  he  said 
thankyou  my  good  fellow  very  politely.  Not 
at  all  sir  said  the  footman  and  touching  his 
cocked  hat  he  jumped  actively  to  the  box. 

I  was  right  not  to  tip  him  whispered  Mr 
Salteena  the  thing  to  do  is  to  leave  2/6  on 
your  dressing  table  when  your  stay  is  over. 

Does  he  find  it  asked  Ethel  who  did  not 
really  know  at  all  how  to  go  on  at  a  visit. 
I  beleeve  so  replied  Mr  Salteena  anyhow  it 
is  quite  the  custom  and  we  cant  help  it  if 
he  does  not.  Now  my  dear  what  do  you 
think  of  the  sceenery 

Very  nice  said  Ethel  gazing  at  the  rich 
fur  rug  on  her  knees.  Just  then  the  cariage 
rolled  into  a  beautifull  drive  with  tall  trees 
and  big  red  flowers  growing  amid  shiny 
dark  leaves.  Presently  the  haughty  coach- 
man pulled  up  with  a  great  clatter  at  a 
huge  front  door  with  tall  pillers  each  side 
a  big  iron  bell  and  two  very  clean  scrapers. 
The  doors  flung  open  as  if  by  majic  causing 
[31] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

Ethel  to  jump  and  a  portly  butler  appeared 
on  the  scene  with  a  very  shiny  shirt  front 
and  a  huge  pale  face.  Welcome  sir  he  ex- 
claimed good  naturedly  as  Mr  Salteena 
alighted  rarther  quickly  from  the  viacle  and 
please  to  step  inside. 

Mr  Salteena  stepped  in  as  bid  followed 
by  Ethel.  The  footman  again  struggled  with 
the  luggage  and  the  butler  Francis  Minnit 
by  name  kindly  lent  a  hand.  The  hall  was 
very  big  and  hung  round  with  guns  and 
mats  and  ancesters  giving  it  a  gloomy  but 
a  grand  air.  The  butler  then  showed  them 
down  a  winding  corridoor  till  he  came  to  a 
door  which  he  flung  open  shouting  Mr  Sal- 
teena and  a  lady  sir. 

A  tall  man  of  29  rose  from  the  sofa.  He 
was  rarther  bent  in  the  middle  with  very 
nice  long  legs  fairish  hair  and  blue  eyes. 
Hullo  Alf  old  boy  he  cried  so  you  have  got 
here  all  safe  and  no  limbs  broken. 

None  thankyou  Bernard  replied  Mr  Sal- 
teena shaking  hands  and  let  me  introduce 
[32] 


STARTING  GAILY 

Miss  Monticue  she  is  very  pleased  to  come 
for  this  visit.  Oh  yes  gasped  Ethel  blushing 
through  her  red  ruge.  Bernard  looked  at 
her  keenly  and  turned  a  dark  red.  I  am 
glad  to  see  you  he  said  I  hope  you  will  enjoy 
it  but  I  have  not  arranged  any  partys  yet 
as  I  dont  know  anybody. 

Dont  worry  murmered  Ethel  I  dont  mix 
much  in  Socierty  and  she  gave  him  a  dainty 
smile. 

I  expect  you  would  like  some  tea  said 
Bernard  I  will  ring. 

Yes  indeed  we  should  said  Mr  Salteena 
egerly.  Bernard  pealed  on  the  bell  and  the 
butler  came  in  with  a  stately  walk. 

Tea  please  Minnit  crid  Bernard  Clark. 
With  pleshure  sir  replied  Minnit  with  a 
deep  bow.  A  glorious  tea  then  came  in  on 
a  gold  tray  two  kinds  of  bread  and  butter 
a  lovly  jam  role  and  lots  of  sugar  cakes. 
Ethels  eyes  began  to  sparkle  and  she  made 
several  remarks  during  the  meal.  I  expect 
[33] 


THE   YOUNG   VISITEBS 

you  would  now  like  to  unpack  said  Bernard 
when  it  was  over. 

Well  yes  that  is  rarther  an  idear  said  Mr 
Salteena. 

I  have  given  the  best  spare  room  to  Miss 
Monticue  said  Bernard  with  a  gallant  bow 
and  yours  turning  to  Mr  Salteena  opens  out 
of  it  so  you  will  be  nice  and  friendly  both 
the  rooms  have  big  windows  and  a  hand- 
some view. 

How  charming  said  Ethel.  Yes  well  let 
us  go  up  replied  Bernard  and  he  led  the 
way  up  many  a  winding  stairway  till  they 
came  to  an  oak  door  with  some  lovly  swans 
and  bull  rushes  painted  on  it.  Here  we 
are  he  cried  gaily.  Ethels  room  was  indeed 
a  handsome  compartment  with  purple  silk 
curtains  and  a  4  post  bed  draped  with  the 
same  shade.  The  toilit  set  was  white  and 
mouve  and  there  were  some  violets  in  a 
costly  varse.  Oh  I  say  cried  Ethel  in  sup- 
prise.  I  am  glad  you  like  it  said  Bernard 
and  here  we  have  yours  Alf.  He  opened 
[34] 


STARTING  GAILY 

the  dividing  doors  and  portrayed  a  smaller 
but  dainty  room  all  in  pale  yellow  and  wild 
primroses.  My  own  room  is  next  the  bath 
room  said  Bernard  it  is  decerated  dark  red 
as  I  have  somber  tastes.  The  bath  room 
has  got  a  tip  up  bason  and  a  hose  thing  for 
washing  your  head. 

A  good  notion  said  Mr  Salteena  who  was 
secretly  getting  jellus. 

Here  we  will  leave  our  friends  to  unpack 
and  end  this  Chapter. 


[35] 


CHAPTER  3 

THE  FIRST  EVENING 

WHEN  they  had  unpacked  Mr  Salteena  and 
Ethel  went  downstairs  to  dinner.  Mr  Sal- 
teena had  put  on  a  compleat  evening  suit 
as  he  thought  it  was  the  correct  idear  and 
some  ruby  studs  he  had  got  at  a  sale. 
Ethel  had  on  a  dress  of  yellaw  silk  covered 
with  tulle  which  was  quite  in  the  fashion 
and  she  had  on  a  necklace  which  Mr  Sal- 
teena gave  her  for  a  birthday  present.  She 
looked  very  becomeing  and  pretty  and  Ber- 
nard heaved  a  sigh  as  he  gave  her  his  arm 
to  go  into  dinner.  The  butler  Minnit  was 
quite  ready  for  the  fray  standing  up  very 
stiff  and  surrounded  by  two  footmen  in 
green  plush  and  curly  white  wigs  who  were 
called  Charles  and  Horace. 

Well  said  Mr  Salteena  lapping  up  his 
[36] 


THE  FIRST  EVENING 

turtle  soup  you  have  a  very  sumpshous 
house  Bernard. 

His  friend  gave  a  weary  smile  and  swol- 
lowed  a  few  drops  of  sherry  wine.  It  is 
fairly  decent  he  replied  with  a  bashful 
glance  at  Ethel  after  our  repast  I  will  show 
you  over  the  premisis. 

Many  thanks  said  Mr  Salteena  getting 
rarther  flustered  with  his  forks. 

You  ourght  to  give  a  ball  remarked  Ethel 
you  have  such  large  compartments. 

Yes  there  is  room  enough  sighed  Bernard 
we  might  try  a  few  steps  and  meanwhile  I 
might  get  to  know  a  few  peaple. 

So  you  might  responded  Ethel  giving  him 
a  speaking  look. 

Mr  Salteena  was  growing  a  little  peevish 
but  he  cheered  up  when  the  Port  wine  came 
on  the  table  and  the  butler  put  round 
some  costly  finger  bowls.  He  did  not  have 
any  in  his  own  house  and  he  followed  Ber- 
nard Clarks  advice  as  to  what  to  do  with 
them.  After  dinner  Ethel  played  some 
[37] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

merry  tunes  on  the  piano  and  Bernard  re- 
sponded with  a  rarther  loud  song  in  a  base 
voice  and  Ethel  clapped  him  a  good  deal. 
Then  Mr  Salteena  asked  a  few  riddles  as 
he  was  not  musicle.  Then  Bernard  said 
shall  I  show  you  over  my  domain  and  they 
strolled  into  the  gloomy  hall. 

I  see  you  have  a  lot  of  ancesters  said  Mr 
Salteena  in  a  jelous  tone,  who  are  they. 

Well  said  Bernard  they  are  all  quite  cor- 
rect. This  is  my  aunt  Caroline  she  was 
rarther  exentrick  and  quite  old. 

So  I  see  said  Mr  Salteena  and  he  passed 
on  to  a  lady  with  a  very  tight  waist  and 
quearly  shaped.  That  is  Mary  Ann  Fudge 
my  grandmother  I  think  said  Bernard  she 
was  very  well  known  in  her  day. 

Why  asked  Ethel  who  was  rarther  curi- 
ous by  nature. 

Well  I  dont  quite  know  said  Bernard  but 

she  was  and  he  moved  away  to  the  next 

picture.    It  was  of  a  man  with  a  fat  smiley 

face  and  a  red  ribbon  round  him  and  a  lot 

[38] 


THE  FIRST  EVENING 

of  medals.  My  great  uncle  Ambrose  Fudge 
said  Bernard  carelessly. 

He  looks  a  thourough  ancester  said  Ethel 
kindly. 

Well  he  was  said  Bernard  in  a  proud  tone 
he  was  really  the  Sinister  son  of  Queen 
Victoria. 

Not  really  cried  Ethel  in  excited  tones 
but  what  does  that  mean. 

Well  I  dont  quite  know  said  Bernard 
Clark  it  puzzles  me  very  much  but  ances- 
ters  do  turn  quear  at  times. 

Peraps  it  means  god  son  said  Mr  Sal- 
teena  in  an  inteligent  voice. 

Well  I  dont  think  so  said  Bernard  but  I 
mean  to  find  out. 

It  is  very  grand  anyhow  said  Ethel. 

It  is  that  replied  her  host  geniully. 

Who  is  this  said  Mr  Salteena  halting  at 
a  picture  of  a  lady  holding  up  some  grapes 
and  smiling  a  good  deal. 

Her  name  was  called  Minnie  Pilato  re- 
sponded Bernard  she  was  rarther  far  back 
[39] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITEES 

but  a  real  relation  and  she  was  engaged  to 
the  earl  of  Tullyvarden  only  it  did  not  quite 
come  off. 

What  a  pity  crid  Ethel. 

Yes  it  was  rarther  replied  Bernard  but 
she  marrid  a  Captain  in  the  Navy  and 
had  seven  children  so  she  was  quite  alright. 

Here  Mr  Salteena  thourght  he  had  better 
go  to  bed  as  he  had  had  a  long  jornney. 
Bernard  always  had  a  few  prayers  in  the 
hall  and  some  whiskey  afterwards  as  he 
was  rarther  pious  but  Mr  Salteena  was  not 
very  adicted  to  prayers  so  he  marched  up 
to  bed.  Ethel  stayed  as  she  thourght  it 
would  be  a  good  thing.  The  butler  came  in 
as  he  was  a  very  holy  man  and  Bernard 
piously  said  the  Our  Father  and  a  very 
good  hymm  called  I  will  keep  my  anger 
down  and  a  Decad  of  the  Rosary.  Ethel 
chimed  in  quiutly  and  Francis  Minnit  was 
most  devout  and  Ethel  thourght  what  a 
good  holy  family  she  was  stopping  with. 
So  I  will  end  my  chapter. 
[40] 


CHAPTER  4 

ME  SALTEENAS  PLAN 

ME  SALTEENA  woke  up  rarther  early  next 
day  and  was  supprised  and  delighted  to 
find  Horace  the  footman  entering  with  a 
cup  of  tea. 

Oh  thankyou  my  man  said  Mr  Salteena 
rolling  over  in  the  costly  bed.  Mr  Clark  is 
nearly  out  of  the  bath  sir  anounced  Horace 
I  will  have  great  plesure  in  turning  it  on 
for  you  if  such  is  your  desire.  Well  yes 
you  might  said  Mr  Salteena  seeing  it  was 
the  idear  and  Horace  gave  a  profound  bow. 

Ethel  are  you  getting  up  shouted  Mr  Sal- 
teena. 

Very  nearly  replied  Ethel  faintly  from 
the  next  room. 

I  say  said  Mr  Salteena  excitedly  I  have 
had  some  tea  in  bed. 

[41] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

So  have  I  replied  Ethel. 

Then  Mr  Salteena  got  into  a  mouve 
dressing  goun  with  yellaw  tassles  and  siez- 
ing  his  soap  he  wandered  off  to  the  bath 
room  which  was  most  sumpshous.  It  had  a 
lovly  white  shiny  bath  and  sparkling  taps 
and  several  towels  arrayed  in  readiness  by 
thourghtful  Horace.  It  also  had  a  step  for 
climbing  up  the  bath  and  other  good  dodges 
of  a  rich  nature.  Mr  Salteena  washed  him- 
self well  and  felt  very  much  better.  After 
brekfast  Mr  Salteena  asked  Bernard  if  he 
could  have  some  privite  conversation  with 
him.  Well  yes  replied  Bernard  if  you  will 
come  into  my  study  we  can  have  a  few 
words. 

Cant  I  come  too  muttered  Ethel  sulkily. 

No  my  dear  said  Mr  Salteena  this  is 
privite. 

Perhaps  later  I  might  have  a  privite  chat 
with  you  Miss  Monticue  said  Bernard 
kindly. 

Oh  do  lets  said  Ethel. 
[42] 


MR  SALTEENAS  PLAN 

Then  Bernard  and  Mr  S.  strolled  to  the 
study  and  sat  upon  two  arm  chairs.  Fire 
away  said  Bernard  lighting  his  pipe.  Well 
I  cant  exactly  do  that  said  Mr  Salteena  in 
slow  tones  it  is  a  searious  matter  and  you 
can  advise  me  as  you  are  a  thorugh  gentle- 
man I  am  sure. 

Well  yes  said  Bernard  what  can  I  do  for 
you  eh  Alf? 

You  can  help  me  perhaps  to  be  more  like 
a  gentleman  said  Mr  Salteena  getting 
rarther  hot  I  am  quite  alright  as  they  say 
but  I  would  like  to  be  the  real  thing  can  it 
be  done  he  added  slapping  his  knees. 

I  dont  quite  know  said  Bernard  it  might 
take  a  good  time. 

Might  it  said  Mr  S.  but  I  would  slave  for 
years  if  need  be.  Bernard  scratched  his 
head.  Why  dont  you  try  the  Crystal  Pal- 
lace  he  asked  several  peaple  Earls  and  even 
dukes  have  privite  compartments  there. 

But  I  am  not  an  Earl  said  Mr  Salteena 
in  a  purplexed  tone. 

[43] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

True  replied  Bernard  but  I  understand 
there  are  sort  of  students  there  who  want 
to  get  into  the  War  Office  and  notable 
banks. 

Would  that  be  a  help  asked  Mr  Salteena 
egerly. 

Well  it  might  said  Bernard  I  can  give  you 
a  letter  to  my  old  pal  the  Earl  of  Clincham 
who  lives  there  he  might  rub  you  up  and 
by  mixing  with  him  you  would  probably 
grow  more  seemly. 

Oh  ten  thousand  thanks  said  Mr  Salteena 
I  will  go  there  as  soon  as  it  can  be  arranged 
if  you  would  be  so  kind  as  to  keep  an  eye 
on  Ethel  while  I  am  away. 

Oh  yes  said  Bernard  I  may  be  running 
up  to  town  for  a  few  days  and  she  could 
come  too. 

You  are  too  kind  said  Mr  Salteena  and  I 
dont  think  you  will  find  her  any  trouble. 

No  I  dont  think  I  shall  said  Bernard  she 
Is  a  pretty  girl  cheerful  and  active.    And 
he  blushed  rarther  red. 
[44] 


CHAPTER  5 

THE  CRYSTAL  PALACE 

ABOUT  9  oclock  next  morning  Mr  Salteena 
stood  bag  in  hand  in  the  ancestle  hall  wait- 
ing for  the  viacle  to  convay  him  to  the 
station.  Bernard  Clark  and  Ethel  were 
seated  side  by  side  on  a  costly  sofa  gazing 
abstractly  at  the  parting  guest.  Horace 
had  dashed  off  to  put  on  his  cocked  hat  as 
he  was  going  in  the  baroushe  but  Francis 
Minnit  was  roaming  about  the  hall  well 
prepared  for  any  deed. 

Well  said  Bernard  puffing  at  his  meer- 
shum  pipe  I  hope  you  will  get  on  Alf  I  am 
sure  you  have  that  little  letter  to  old 
Clincham  eh 

In  deed  I  have  said  Mr  Salteena  many 
thanks  for  the  same  and  I  do  hope  Ethel 
will  behave  properly. 

[45] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

Oh  yes  I  expect  she  will  said  Bernard 
with  a  sigh. 

I  always  do  said  Ethel  in  a  snappy  tone. 

Just  then  there  was  a  great  clatter  out- 
side and  the  sound  of  hoofs  and  a  loud 
neigh.  The  barouche  I  take  it  said  Bernard 
rising  slowly. 

Quite  correct  sir  said  Minnit  flinging 
wide  the  portles. 

Well  goodbye  Alf  old  man  said  Bernard 
Clark  good  luck  and  God  bless  you  he  added 
in  a  pius  tone. 

Not  at  all  said  Mr  Salteena  I  have  en- 
joyed my  stop  which  has  been  short  and 
sweet  well  goodbye  Ethel  my  child  he  said 
as  bag  in  hand  he  proceeded  to  the  door. 
Francis  Minnit  bowed  low  and  handed  a 
small  parcel  to  Mr  Salteena  a  few  sand- 
wighs  for  the  jorney  sir  he  remarked. 

Oh  this  is  most  kind  said  Mr  Salteena. 

Miniiit  closed  his  eyes  with  a  tired  smile. 
Not  kind  sir  he  muttered  quite  usual. 

Oh  really  said  Mr  Salteena  feeling  rather 
f46] 


THE  CRYSTAL  PALACE 

flabergasted  well  goodbye  my  good  fellow 
and  he  slipped  2/6  into  the  butlers  open 
palm. 

Mr  Salteena  had  to  travel  first  class  as 
active  Horace  ran  on  to  buy  the  ticket 
which  he  presented  with  a  low  bow  the 
Times  and  Tit-Bits.  Oh  many  thanks  my 
man  said  Mr  Salteena  in  a  most  airy  voice 
now  will  you  find  me  a  corner  seat  in  the 
train  eh. 

If  there  is  one  sir  replied  Horace. 

In  got  Mr  Salteena  to  his  first  class  car- 
rage  surrounded  by  his  luggage  carefully 
piled  up  by  kindly  Horace.  The  other 
pasengers  looked  full  of  envy  at  the  curly 
white  wig  and  green  plush  uniform  of 
Horace.  Mr  Salteena  crossed  his  legs  in  a 
lordly  way  and  flung  a  fur  rug  over  his 
knees  though  he  was  hot  enough  in  all 
consciunce.  He  began  to  feel  this  was  the 
thin  end  of  the  partition  and  he  smiled  as 
he  gently  tapped  the  letter  in  his  coat  tail 
pocket.  When  Mr  Salteena  arrived  in 
[47] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITEES 

London  he  began  to  strolle  up  the  principle 
streets  thinking  how  gay  all  was.  Pres- 
ently he  beheld  a  resterant  with  a  big  Menu 
outside  and  he  went  boldly  in. 

It  was  a  sumpshous  spot  all  done  up  in 
gold  with  plenty  of  looking  glasses.  Many 
hansome  ladies  and  gentlemen  were  already 
partaking  of  choice  food  and  rich  wines  and 
whiskey  and  the  scene  was  most  lively.  Mr 
Salteena  had  a  little  whiskey  to  make  him 
feel  more  at  home.  Then  he  eat  some  curry 
to  the  tune  of  a  merry  valse  on  the  band. 
He  beat  time  to  the  music  and  smiled  kind- 
ly at  the  waiters  and  he  felt  very  excited 
inside.  I  am  seeing  life  with  a  vengance 
he  muttered  to  himself  as  he  paid  his  bill 
at  the  desk.  Outside  Mr  Salteena  found  a 
tall  policeman.  Could  you  direct  me  to  the 
Crystale  Pallace  if  you  please  said  Mr  Sal- 
teena nervously. 

Well  said  the  geniul  policeman  my  advice 
would  be  to  take  a  cab  sir. 
[48] 


THE   CRYSTAL  PALACB 

Oh  would  it  said  Mr  Salteena  then  I  will 
do  so. 

He  hailed  a  Hansome  and  got  speedily  in 
to  the  Crystal  Palace  he  cried  gaily  and 
holding  his  bag  on  his  knees  he  prepared  to 
enjoy  the  sights  of  the  Metropilis.  It  was 
a  merry  drive  and  all  too  soon  the  Palace 
heaved  in  view.  Mr  Salteena  sprang  ont 
and  paid  the  man  and  then  he  entered  the 
wondrous  edifice.  His  heart  beat  very  fast 
as  two  huge  men  in  gold  braid  flung  open 
the  doors.  Inside  was  a  lovely  fountain  in 
the  middle  and  all  round  were  little  stalls 
where  you  could  buy  sweets  and  lemonade 
also  scent  handkerchiefs  and  many  dainty 
articles.  There  were  a  lot  of  peaple  but 
nobody  very  noteable. 

At  last  after  buying  two  bottles  of  scent 
and  some  rarther  nice  sweets  which  stuck 
to  his  teeth  Mr  Salteena  beheld  a  wooden 
door  on  which  was  nailed  a  notice  saying 
To  the  Privite  Compartments. 

Ah  ha  said  Mr  Salteena  to  himself  this  i» 
[49] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITEBS 

evidently  my  next  move,  and  he  gently 
pushed  open  the  door  straitening  his  top 
hat  as  he  did  so.  Inside  he  found  himself 
in  a  dimly  lit  passage  with  a  thick  and 
handsom  carpet.  Mr  Salteena  gazed  round 
and  beheld  in  the  gloom  a  very  superier 
gentleman  in  full  evening  dress  who  was 
reading  a  newspaper  and  warming  his 
hands  on  the  hot  water  pipes.  Mr  Salteena 
advanced  on  tiptoe  and  coughed  gently  as 
so  far  the  gentleman  had  paid  no  attention. 
However  at  the  second  cough  he  raised  his 
eyes  in  a  weary  fashion,  do  you  want  any- 
thing he  asked  in  a  most  noble  voice. 

Mr  Salteena  got  very  flustered.  Well  I 
am  seeking  the  Earl  of  Clincham  he  began 
in  a  trembly  voice  are  you  by  any  chance 
him  he  added  most  respectfully. 

No  not  exacktly  replied  the  other  my 
name  happens  to  be  Edward  Procurio.  I 
am  half  Italian  and  I  am  the  Groom  of  the 
Chambers. 

[50] 


THE  CRYSTAL  PALACE 

What  chambers  asked  Mr  Salteena  blink- 
ing his  eyes. 

These  said  Edward  Procurio  waving  a 
thin  arm. 

Mr  Salteena  then  noticed  several  red 
doors  with  names  of  people  on  each  one. 
Oh  I  see  he  said  then  perhaps  you  can  tell 
me  where  the  Earl  of  Clincham  is  to  be 
found. 

At  the  end  of  the  passage  fourth  door 
down  said  Procurio  tritely  of  course  he  may 
be  out  one  never  knows  what  they  are  up  to. 

I  suppose  not  said  Mr  Salteena  in  an 
interested  tone. 

One  can  not  gamble  on  anything  really 
said  Procurio  returning  to  the  hot  water 
pipes  though  of  course  I  know  a  lot  more 
than  most  peaple  about  the  inmates  here. 

What  are  the  babbits  of  the  Earl  of 
Clincham  said  Mr  Salteena. 

Procurio  gave  a  smile  many  and  variu» 
he  replied  I  cant  say  much  in  my  position 
[51] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

but  one  lives  and  learns.  He  heaved  a  sigh 
and  shruged  his  shoulders. 

Well  good  day  said  Mr  Salteena  feeling 
better  for  the  chat. 

Procurio  nodded  in  silence  as  Mr  Sal- 
teena trotted  off  down  the  passage.  At 
last  he  came  to  a  door  labelled  Clincham 
Earl  of  in  big  letters.  With  a  beating  heart 
Mr  Salteena  pulled  the  bell  and  the  door 
swung  open  of  its  own  accord.  At  the  same 
moment  a  cheery  voice  rang  out  from  the 
distance.  Come  in  please  I  am  in  the  study 
first  door  on  left. 

With  a  nervous  bound  Mr  Salteena 
obeyd  these  directions  and  found  himself 
in  a  small  but  handsome  compartment  done 
in  dark  green  lether  with  crests  on  the 
chairs.  Over  the  mantlepiece  was  hung  the 
painting  of  a  lady  in  a  low  neck  looking 
quite  the  thing.  By  the  desk  was  seated  a 
tall  man  of  35  with  very  nice  eyes  of  a 
twinkly  nature  and  curly  hair  he  wore  a 
quite  plain  suit  of  palest  grey  but  well 
[52] 


THE  CRYSTAL  PALACfl 

made  and  on  the  table  reposed  a  grey  top 
hat  which  had  evidently  been  on  his  head 
recently.  He  had  a  rose  in  his  button  hole 
also  a  signet  ring. 

Hullo  said  this  pleasant  fellow  as  Mr. 
Salteena  was  spell  bound  on  mat. 

Hullo  your  Lord  Ship  responded  our  hero 
bowing  low  and  dropping  his  top  hat  do 
I  adress  the  Earl  of  Clincham. 

You  do  said  the  Earl  with  a  homely  smile 
and  who  do  I  adress  eh. 

Our  hero  bowed  again  Alfred  Salteena 
he  said  in  deep  tones. 

Oh  I  see  said  the  kindly  earl  well  come  in 
my  man  and  tell  me  who  you  are. 

Mr  Salteena  seated  himself  gingerly  on 
the  edge  of  a  crested  chair. 

To  tell  you  the  truth  my  Lord  I  am  not 
anyone  of  import  and  I  am  not  a  gentleman 
as  they  say  he  ended  getting  very  red  and 
hot. 

Have  «ome  whiskey  said  lord  Clincham 
and  ho  poured  the  liquid  into  a  glass  at  hi* 
[53] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

elbow.    Mr.  Salteena  lapped  it  np  thank- 
fully. 

Well  my  man  said  the  good  natured  earl 
what  I  say  is  what  dose  it  matter  we  cant 
all  be  of  the  Blood  royal  can  we. 

No  said  Mr  Salteena  but  I  suppose  you 
are. 

Lord  Clincham  waved  a  careless  hand. 
A  small  portion  flows  in  my  viens  he  said 
but  it  dose  not  worry  me  at  all  and  after 
all  he  added  piously  at  the  Day  of  Judge- 
ment what  will  be  the  odds. 

Mr  Salteena  heaved  a  sigh.  I  was  think- 
ing of  this  world  he  said. 

Oh  I  see  said  the  Earl  but  my  own  idear 
is  that  these  things  are  as  piffle  before  the 
wind. 

Not  being  an  earl  I  cant  say  answered  our 
hero  but  may  I  beg  you  to  read  this  letter 
my  Lord.  He  produced  Bernards  note 
from  his  coat  tails.  The  Earl  of  Clincham 
took  it  in  his  long  fingers.  This  is  what 
he  read. 

[54] 


THE  CRYSTAL  PALACE 

MY  DEAR  CLINCHAM 

The  bearer  of  this  letter  is  an  old  friend 
of  mine  not  quite  the  right  side  of  the  blan- 
ket as  they  say  in  fact  he  is  the  son  of  a 
first  rate  butcher  but  his  mother  was  a  de- 
cent family  called  Hyssopps  of  the  Glen  so 
you  see  he  is  not  so  bad  and  is  desireus  of 
being  the  correct  article.  Could  you  rub 
him  up  a  bit  in  Socierty  ways.  I  dont  know 
much  details  about  him  but  no  doubt  he  will 
supply  all  you  need.  I  am  keeping  well  and 
hope  you  are.  I  must  run  up  to  the  Com- 
partments one  day  and  look  you  up. 

Yours  as  ever  your  faithfull  friend 
BERNARD  CLARK. 

The  Earl  gave  a  slight  cough  and  gazed 
at  Mr  Salteena  thourghtfully. 

Have  you  much  money  he  asked  and  are 
you  prepared  to  spend  a  good  deal. 

Oh  yes  quite  gasped  Mr  Salteena  I  have 
plenty  in  the  bank  and  £10  in  ready  gold 
in  my  purse. 

[55] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

You  see  these  compartments  are  the 
haunts  of  the  Aristockracy  said  the  earl  and 
they  are  kept  going  by  peaple  who  have  got 
something  funny  in  their  family  and  who 
want  to  be  less  mere  if  you  can  comprehend. 

Indeed  I  can  said  Mr  Salteena. 

Personally  I  am  a  bit  parshial  to  mere 
people  said  his  Lordship  but  the  point  is 
that  we  charge  a  goodly  sum  for  our  train- 
ing here  but  however  if  you  cant  pay  yon 
need  not  join. 

I  can  and  will  proclaimed  Mr  Salteena 
and  he  placed  a  £10  note  on  the  desk.  His 
Lordship  slipped  it  in  his  trouser  pocket. 
It  will  be  £42  before  I  have  done  with  you 
he  said  but  you  can  pay  me  here  and  there 
as  convenient. 

Oh  thankyou  cried  Mr  Salteena. 

Not  at  all  said  the  Earl  and  now  to 
bissness.  While  here  you  will  live  in  com- 
partments in  the  basement  known  as  Lower 
Range.  You  will  get  many  hints  from  the 
Groom  of  the  Chambers  as  to  clothes  and 
[56] 


THB  CRYSTAL  PALACE 

ettiquett  to  menials.  You  will  mix  with 
me  for  grammer  and  I  might  take  you  out 
hunting  or  shooting  sometimes  to  give  you 
a  few  tips.  Also  T  have  lots  of  ladies  partys 
which  you  will  attend  occasionally. 

Mr  Salteenas  eyes  flashed  with  excite- 
ment. I  shall  enjoy  that  he  cried. 

His  Lordship  coughed  loudly.  You  may 
not  marry  while  under  instruction  he  said 
firmly. 

Oh  I  shall  not  need  to  thankyou  said  Mr 
Salteena. 

You  must  also  decide  on  a  profeshion 
said  his  Lordship  as  your  instruction  will 
rary  according. 

Could  I  be  anything  at  Buckingham  Pal- 
lace  said  Mr  Salteena  with  flashing  eyes. 

Oh  well  I  dont  quite  know  said  the  noble 
earl  but  you  might  perhaps  gallopp  beside 
the  royal  baroushe  if  you  care  to  try. 

Oh  indeed  I  should  cried  Mr  Salteena  I 
am  very  fond  of  fresh  air  and  royalties. 

Well  said  the  earl  with  a  knowing  smile 
[57] 


THE  YOUNG  VISTTERS 

I  might  arrange  it  with  the  prince  of  Wales 
who  I  am  rarther  intimate  with. 

Not  really  gasped  Mr  Salteena. 

Dear  me  yes  remarked  the  earl  carelessly 
and  if  we  decide  for  you  to  gallopp  by  the 
royal  viacle  you  must  be  mesured  for  some 
plush  knickerbockers  at  once. 

Mr  Salteena  glanced  at  his  rarther  fat 
legs  and  sighed. 

Well  I  must  go  out  now  and  call  on  a 
few  Dowigers  said  his  Lordship  picking  up 
his  elegent  top  hat.  Well  au  revoir  he 
added  with  a  good  french  accent. 

Adieu  my  Lord  cried  Mr  Salteena  not  to 
be  out  done  we  meet  anon  I  take  it. 

Not  till  tomorrow  answered  the  earl  you 
will  now  proceed  to  the  lower  regions  where 
you  will  no  doubt  find  tea.  He  nodded 
kindly  and  glided  out  in  silence, 

Here  I  will  end  my  chapter. 


[58] 


CHAPTER  6 

HIGH  LIFE 

MR  SALTEENA  awoke  next  morning  in  his 
small  but  pleasant  room.  It  was  done  in 
green  and  white  with  Monagrams  on  the 
toilit  set.  He  had  a  tiny  white  bed  with  a 
green  quilt  and  a  picture  of  the  Nativaty 
and  one  of  Windsor  Castle  on  the  walls. 
The  sun  was  shining  over  all  these  things 
as  Mr  Salteena  opened  his  sleepy  eyes.  Just 
then  there  was  rat  tat  on  the  door.  Come 
in  called  Mr  Salteena  and  in  came  Edward 
Procurio  ballancing  a  tray  very  cleverly. 
He  looked  most  elegant  with  his  shiny  black 
hair  and  pale  yellow  face  and  half  shut 
eyes.  He  smiled  in  a  very  mystearious  and 
superier  way  as  he  placed  the  tray  on  Mr 
Salteenas  pointed  knees. 
Your  early  beverage  he  announced  and 
[59] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

began  to  pull  up  the  blinds  still  smiling  to 
himself. 

Oh  thankyou  cried  Mr  Salteena  feeling 
very  towzld  compared  to  this  grand  fellow. 
Then  to  his  great  supprise  Procurio  began 
to  open  the  wardrobe  and  look  at  Mr  Sal- 
teenas  suits  making  italian  exclamations 
under  his  breath.  Mr  Salteena  dare  not 
say  a  word  so  he  swollowed  his  tea  and  eat 
a  Marie  biscuit  hastilly.  Presently  Procurio 
advanced  to  the  bed  with  a  bright  blue 
serge  suit.  Will  you  wear  this  today  sir  he 
asked  quietly. 

Oh  certainly  said  Mr  Salteena. 

And  a  clean  shirt  would  not  come  amiss 
said  Procurio  what  about  this  pale  blue  and 
white  stripe. 

With  pleashure  replied  Mr  Salteena.  So 
Procurio  laid  them  out  in  neat  array  also  a 
razer  and  brush  for  shaving.  Then  he 
opened  a  door  saying  This  is  the  bath  room 
shall  I  turn  on  hot  or  cold. 
[60] 


HIGH  LIFE 

I  dont  mind  said  Mr  Salteena  feeling  very 
hot  and  ignorant. 

It  is  best  for  you  to  decide  sir  said  Pro- 
curio  firmly. 

Well  I  will  try  cold  said  Mr  Salteena  feel- 
ing it  was  more  manly  to  say  that.  Pro- 
curio  bowed  and  beat  a  retreat  to  the  bath 
room.  Then  he  returned  and  told  Mr.  Sal- 
teena that  when  he  was  washed  he  would 
find  his  breakfast  in  the  sitting  room. 
When  Mr  Salteena  was  dressed  in  his  best 
blue  suit  and  clean  shirt  he  stroled  into  the 
sitting  room  where  a  gay  canary  was  sing- 
ing fit  to  burst  in  the  window  and  a  copple 
of  doves  cooing  in  a  whicker  cage.  A  cheery 
smell  greeted  him  as  Procurio  glided  in 
with  some  steaming  coffie.  Mr  Salteena 
felt  more  at  home  and  passed  a  few  remarks 
about  the  weather.  Procurio  smiled  and 
uncovered  some  lovely  kidnys  on  toast  and 
as  he  did  so  bent  and  whispered  in  Mr  Sal- 
teenas  ear  you  could  have  come  in  in  your 
dressing  gown. 

[61] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

Mr  Salteena  gave  a  start.  Oh  can  I  he 
said  ten  thousand  thanks. 

Then  Procurio  passed  out  and  Mr  Sal- 
teena finnished  his  kidneys  and  chiruped  to 
the  birds  and  had  a  cigarette  from  a  hand- 
some purple  box  which  he  found  on  the 
desk.  Then  Procurio  entered  once  more  and 
with  a  bow  said.  His  lordship  is  going  to 
a  levie  this  morning  and  thinks  it  might 
amuse  you  to  go  too.  Could  you  be  ready 
by  11  oclock. 

Oh  yes  what  fun  said  Mr  Salteena  have 
you  any  notion  what  a  levie  is  my  man. 

Procurio  gave  a  superier  smile.  It  is  a 
party  given  by  the  Queen  to  very  superier 
peaple  but  this  one  is  given  by  the  Prince 
of  Wales  as  the  Queen  is  not  quite  her  usual 
self  today.  It  will  be  at  Buckingham  pal- 
ace so  you  will  drive  with  his  lordship. 

Mr  Salteena  was  fearfully  excited.  What 
shall  I  weare  he  gasped. 

Well  of  course  you  ought  to  have  black 
satin  knickerbockers  and  a  hat  with  white 
[62] 


HIGH  LIFE 

feathers  also  garters  and  a  star  or  two. 

You  supprise  me  said  Mr  Salteena  I  have 
none  of  those  articles. 

Well  said  Procurio  kindly  his  lordship 
will  lend  you  his  second  best  cocked  hat  as 
you  are  obliged  to  wear  one  and  I  think 
with  a  little  thourght  I  might  rig  you  up  so 
as  to  pass  muster. 

Then  they  rumaged  among  Mr  Salteenas 
things  and  Procurio  got  very  intelligent  and 
advised  Mr  Salteena  to  were  his  black  eve- 
ning suit  and  role  up  his  trousers.  He  also 
lent  him  a  pair  of  white  silk  stockings  which 
he  fastened  tightly  round  his  knees  with 
red  rosettes.  Then  he  quickly  cut  out  a 
star  in  silver  paper  and  pinned  it  to  his 
chest  and  also  added  a  strip  of  red  ribbon 
across  his  shirt  front.  Then  Mr  Salteena 
survayed  himself  in  the  glass.  Is  it  a  fancy 
dress  party  he  asked. 

No  they  always  were  that  kind  of  thing 
but  wait  till  you  see  his  Lordship — if  you 
are  ready  sir  I  will  conduct  you  in. 
[63] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITEES 

Mr  Salteena  followed  Procurio  up  count- 
less stairs  till  they  came  to  the  Earls  com- 
partments and  tapped  on  the  bedroom  door. 

Come  in  cried  a  merry  voice  and  in  they 
strode. 

I  have  done  my  best  with  Mr  Salteena 
my  lord  I  trust  he  will  do  the  hat  of  course 
will  make  a  deal  of  diffrence. 

Mr  Salteena  bowed  nervously  wishing  he 
had  got  correct  knickerbockers  as  his  trous- 
ers did  not  feel  too  firm  in  spite  of  the  gar- 
ters. 

Not  half  bad  cried  the  earl  try  on  the 
hat  Salteena  it  is  on  my  bed.  Mr  Salteena 
placed  it  on  his  head  and  the  feathers  and 
gold  braid  became  him  very  well  but  he 
felt  very  jellous  of  the  earl  who  looked  a 
sight  for  the  gods.  He  had  proper  satin 
knickerbockers  with  diamond  clasps  and 
buckled  shoes  and  black  silk  stockings 
which  showed  up  his  long  fine  legs.  He  had 
a  floppy  shirt  of  softist  muslin  with  real 
lace  collar  and  cuffs.  A  sword  hung  at 
[64] 


HIGH  LIFE 

his  side  and  a  crimson  sash  was  round  his 
waist  and  a  splendid  cocked  hat  on  his  head. 
His  blue  eyes  twinkled  as  he  pulled  on  a 
pair  of  white  kid  gloves. 

Well  come  on  Salteena  he  cried  and  dont 
be  nervus  I  will  get  you  a  pair  of  knickers 
tomorrow.  Will  you  get  a  hansome  Pro- 
curio. 

Presently  the  earl  and  Mr  Salteena  were 
clattering  away  to  Buckingham  palace. 

You  wont  mind  if  I  introduce  you  as 
Lord  Hyssops  do  you  said  the  earl  as  he 
lit  his  pipe.  You  see  you  are  sort  of  mixed 
up  with  the  family  so  it  wont  matter  and 
will  look  better. 

So  it  would  said  Mr  Salteena  what  do  we 
do  at  the  levie. 

Oh  we  strole  round  and  eat  ices  and 
champaigne  and  that  kind  of  thing  and 
sometimes  there  is  a  little  music. 

Is  there  any  dancing  asked  Mr  Salteena. 

Well  not  always  said  the  Earl. 

I  am  glad  of  that  said  Mr  Salteena  I  am 
[65] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

not  so  nimble  as  I  was  and  my  garters  are 
a  trifle  tight. 

Sometimes  we  talk  about  the  laws  and 
politics  said  the  earl  if  Her  Majesty  is  in 
that  kind  of  a  mood. 

Just  then  the  splendid  edifice  appeared 
in  view  and  Mr  Salteena  licked  his  dry  lips 
at  sight  of  the  vast  crowd.  All  round  were 
carrages  full  of  costly  peaple  and  outside 
the  railings  stood  tall  Life  Guards  keeping 
off  the  mere  peaple  who  had  gathered  to 
watch  the  nobility  clatter  up.  Lord  Clin- 
cham  began  to  bow  right  and  left  raising 
his  cocked  hat  to  his  friends.  There  was 
a  lot  of  laughter  and  friendly  words  as  the 
cab  finally  drew  up  at  the  front  door.  Two 
tall  life  guards  whisked  open  the  doors  and 
one  of  them  kindly  tipped  the  cabman. 
Mr  Salteena  followed  his  lordship  up  the 
grand  steps  trying  to  feel  as  homely  as  he 
could.  Then  a  splendid  looking  fellow  in  a 
red  tunick  and  a  sort  of  black  velvit  tarn  a 
[66] 


HIGH  LIFE 

ehanter  stepped  forward  from  the  throng 
shouting  what  name  please. 

The  Earl  of  Clincham  and  Lord  Hyssops 
calmly  replied  the  earl  gently  nudging  Mr 
Salteena  to  act  up.  Mr  Salteena  nodded 
and  blinked  at  the  menial  as  much  as  to  say 
all  is  well  and  then  he  and  the  earl  hung 
up  their  cocked  hats  on  two  pegs.  This  way 
cried  a  deep  voice  and  another  menial 
apeared  wearing  stiff  white  britches  top 
boots  and  a  green  velvit  coat  with  a  leather 
belt  also  a  very  shiny  top  hat.  They  fol- 
lowed this  fellow  down  countless  corridoora 
and  finally  came  to  big  folding  doors.  The 
earl  twiddled  his  mustache  and  slapped  his 
leg  with  his  white  glove  as  calmly  as  could 
be.  Mr  Salteena  purspired  rarther  hard  and 
gave  a  hitch  to  his  garters  to  make  sure. 

Then  the  portles  divided  and  their  names 
were  shouted  in  chorus  by  countless  domes- 
ticks.  The  sumshious  room  was  packed 
with  men  of  a  noble  nature  dressed  like  the 
earl  in  satin  knickerboccers  etc  and  with 
[67] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

ladies  of  every  hue  with  long  trains  and 
jewels  by  the  dozen.  You  could  hardly 
moove  in  the  gay  throng.  Dukes  were  as 
nought  as  there  were  a  good  lot  of  princes 
and  Arch  Dukes  as  it  was  a  very  superier 
levie  indeed.  The  earl  and  Mr  Salteena 
struggled  through  the  crowd  till  they  came 
to  a  platform  draped  with  white  velvit. 
Here  on  a  golden  chair  was  seated  the 
prince  of  Wales  in  a  lovely  ermine  cloak 
and  a  small  but  costly  crown.  He  was  chat- 
ting quite  genially  with  some  of  the  crowd. 

Up  clambered  the  earl  followed  at  top 
speed  by  Mr  Salteena. 

Hullo  Clincham  cried  the  Prince  quite 
homely  and  not  at  all  grand  so  glad  you 
turned  up — quite  a  squash  eh. 

A  bit  over  powering  your  Highness  said 
the  earl  who  was  quite  used  to  all  this  may 
I  introduce  my  friend  Lord  Hyssops  he  is 
staying  with  me  so  I  thought  I  would  bring 
him  along  if  you  dont  mind  Prince. 

Not  at  all  cried  the  genial  prince  looking 
[68] 


HIGH  LIFE 

rarther  supprised.  Mr  Salteena  bowed  so 
low  he  nearly  fell  off  the  platform  and  as 
the  prince  put  out  a  hand  Mr  Salteena 
thought  he  had  better  kiss  it.  The  Prince 
smiled  kindly  I  am  pleased  to  see  you  Lord 
Hyssops  he  said  in  a  regal  voice. 

Then  the  Earl  chipped  in  and  how  is  the 
dear  Queen  he  said  reveruntly. 

Not  up  to  much  said  his  Highness  she 
feels  the  heat  poor  soul  and  he  waved  to  a 
placard  which  said  in  large  letters  The 
Queen  is  indisposed. 

Presently  his  Highness  rose  I  think  I 
will  have  a  quiet  glass  of  champaigne  he 
said  you  come  too  Clincham  and  bring  your 
friend  the  Diplomats  are  arriving  and  I  am 
not  much  in  the  mood  for  deep  talk  I  have 
already  signed  a  dozen  documents  so  I  have 
done  my  duty. 

They  all  went  out  by  a  private  door  and 

found  themselves  in  a  smaller  but  gorgous 

room.    The  Prince  tapped  on  the  table  and 

instantly  two  menials  in  red  tunics  ap- 

[69] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

peared.  Bring  three  glasses  of  champaigne 
commanded  the  prince  and  some  ices  he 
added  majestikally.  The  goods  appeared  as 
if  by  majic  and  the  prince  drew  out  a  cigar 
case  and  passed  it  round. 

One  grows  weary  of  Court  Life  he  re- 
marked. 

Ah  yes  agreed  the  earl. 

It  upsets  me  said  the  prince  lapping  up 
his  strawberry  ice  all  I  want  is  peace  and 
quiut  and  a  little  fun  and  here  I  am  tied 
down  to  this  life  he  said  taking  off  his 
crown  being  royal  has  many  painfull  draw- 
backs. 

True  mused  the  Earl. 

Silence  fell  and  the  strains  of  the  band 
could  be  heard  from  the  next  room.  Sud- 
denly the  prince  gazed  at  Mr  Salteena. 
Who  did  you  say  you  were  he  asked  in  a 
puzzled  tone. 

Lord  Hyssops  responded  our  hero  grow- 
ing purple  at  the  lie. 

Well  you  are  not  a  bit  like  the  Lord 
[70] 


HIGH  LIFE 

Hyssops  I  know  replied  the  Prince  could 
you  explain  matters. 

Mr  Salteena  gazed  helplessly  at  the  earl 
who  had  grown  very  pale  and  seemed  lost 
for  the  moment.  However  he  quickly  re- 
covered. 

He  is  quite  alright  really  Prince  he  said 
His  mother  was  called  Miss  Hyssops  of  the 
Glen. 

Indeed  said  his  royal  Highness  that 
sounds  correct  but  who  was  your  father  eh. 

Then  Mr  Salteena  thourght  he  would  not 
tell  a  lie  so  in  trembly  tones  he  muttered 
My  poor  father  was  but  a  butcher  your 
Highness  a  very  honest  one  I  may  add  and 
passing  rich  he  was  called  Domonic  Sal- 
teena and  my  name  is  Alfred  Salteena. 

The  Prince  stroked  his  yellow  beard  and 
rarther  admired  Mr  Salteena  for  his  truth- 
ful utterance — Oh  I  see  he  said  well  why 
did  you  palm  off  on  my  menials  as  Lord 
Hyssops  eh 

Mr  Salteena  wiped  his  swetting  brow  but 
[71] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

the  earl  came  to  the  rescue  nobly.  My 
fault  entirely  Prince  he  chimed  in,  as  I  was 
bringing  him  to  this  very  supearier  levie  I 
thought  it  would  be  better  to  say  he  was 
of  noble  birth  have  I  offended  your  Royal 
dignity. 

Not  much  said  the  prince  it  was  a  laud- 
ible  notion  and  perhaps  I  wTill  ask  Mr  Sal- 
teena  to  one  of  my  big  balls  some  day. 

Oh  your  Highness  gasped  our  hero  falling 
on  one  knee  that  would  indeed  be  a  treat. 

I  suppose  Prince  you  have  not  got  a  job 
going  at  this  palace  for  my  friend  asked  the 
earl  you  see  I  am  rubbing  him  up  in  socierty 
ways  and  he  fancies  court  life  as  a  profes- 
shon. 

Oh  dose  he  said  the  prince  blinking  his 
eyes  well  I  might  see. 

I  suggested  if  there  was  a  vacency  going 
he  might  try  cantering  after  the  royal  ba- 
rouche said  the  earl. 

So  he  might  said  the  prince  I  will  speak 
[72] 


HIGH  LIFE 

to  the  prime  Minister  about  it  and  let  you 
know. 

Ten  thousand  thanks  cried  Mr  Salteena 
bowing  low. 

Well  now  I  must  get  along  back  to  the 
levie  announced  the  prince  putting  on  his 
crown  I  have  booked  a  valse  with  the  Arch 
duchess  of  Greenwich  and  this  is  her  fa- 
vorite tune.  So  saying  they  issued  back  to 
the  big  room  where  the  nobility  were  whirl- 
ing gaily  roand  the  more  searious  peaple 
such  as  the  prime  minister  and  the  admirals 
etc  were  eating  ices  and  talking  passionate- 
ly about  the  laws  in  a  low  undertone. 

The  earl  was  soon  mingling  gaily  in  a  set 
of  lancers  but  Mr  Salteena  dare  not  because 
of  his  trousers.  However  he  sat  on  a  velvit 
chair  and  quite  enjoyed  over  hearing  the 
intelligent  conversation  of  the  prime  min- 
ister. And  now  we  will  leave  our  hero  en- 
joying his  glimpse  of  high  life  and  return 
to  Ethel  Monticue. 

[73] 


CHAPTER  7 

BERNARDS  IDEAE 

AFTER  Mr  Salteena  had  departed  Bernard 
Clark  thourght  he  would  show  Ethel  over 
his  house  so  they  spent  a  merry  morning  so 
doing.  Ethel  passed  bright  remarks  on  all 
the  rooms  and  Bernard  thourght  she  was 
most  pretty  and  Ethel  began  to  be  a  bit 
excited.  After  a  lovly  lunch  they  sat  in  the 
gloomy  hall  and  Ethel  began  to  feel  very 
glad  Mr  Salteena  was  not  there.  Suddenly 
Bernard  lit  his  pipe  I  was  thinking  he  said 
passionately  what  about  going  up  to  Lon- 
don for  a  weeks  Gaierty. 

Who  inquired  Ethel  in  a  low  tone. 

You  and  me  said  Bernard  I  know  of  sev- 
eral splendid  hotels  and  we  could  go  to 
theaters  and  parties  and  enjoy  ourselves  to 
the  full. 

[74] 


BERNARDS  IDEAR 

So  we  could  what  an  idear  cried  Ethel. 

So  the  merry  plan  was  all  arranged  and 
they  spent  the  afternoon  in  packing  there 
trunks.  Next  day  they  were  all  ready  in 
the  hall  when  the  handsome  viacle  once 
more  clattered  up.  Ethel  had  on  her  blue 
velvit  get  up  and  a  sweet  new  hat  and 
plenty  of  ruge  on  her  face  and  looked  quite 
a  seemly  counterpart  for  Bernard  who  was 
arrayed  in  a  white  and  shiny  mackintosh 
top  boots  and  a  well  brushed  top  hat  tied 
on  to  him  with  a  bit  of  black  elastick. 

Well  goodbye  Minnit  he  cried  to  the 
somber  butler  take  care  of  your  gout  and 
the  silver  and  I  will  pay  your  wages  when 
I  come  back. 

Thankyou  kindly  sir  murmured  Minnit 
when  may  I  expect  your  return. 

Oh  well  I  will  wire  he  said  and  dashed 
doun  the  steps. 

Ethel  followed  with  small  lady  like  steps 
having  bo^ed  perlitely  to  Minnit  who  closed 
his  eyes  in  acknowlegment  of  her  kindness. 
[75] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

The  sun  was  shining  and  Ethel  had  the 
feeling  of  going  to  a  very  jolly  party  and 
felt  so  sorry  for  all  the  passers  by  who  were 
not  going  to  London  with  Bernard. 

Arrived  in  the  gay  city  Bernard  hailed  a 
cab  to  the  manner  born  and  got  in  followed 
by  Ethel.  Kindly  drive  us  to  the  Gaierty 
Hotel  he  cried  in  a  firm  tone.  The  cabman 
waved  his  whip  and  off  they  dashed. 

We  shall  be  highly  comfortable  and  select 
at  the  Gaierty  said  Bernard  and  he  thourght 
to  himself  how  lovly  it  would  be  if  he  was 
married  to  Ethel.  He  blushed  a  deep  shade 
at  his  own  thourghts  and  gave  a  side  long 
glance  at  Ethel  who  was  gazing  out  of  the 
window.  Well  one  never  knows  he  mur- 
merd  to  himself  and  as  one  of  the  poets  says 
great  events  from  trivil  causes  springs. 

Just  then  they  stopped  at  the  gay  hotel 

and  Ethel  was  spellbound  at  the  size  of  the 

big  hall — Bernard  poked  his  head  into  the 

window  of  the  pay  desk.    Have  you  a  coup- 

[76] 


BERNARDS  IDEAR 

pie  of  bedrooms  for  self  and  young  lady  he 
enquired  in  a  lordly  way. 

A  very  handsome  lady  with  golden  hair 
and  a  lace  apron  glanced  at  a  book  and 
hastilly  replied  Oh  yes  sir  two  beauties  on 
the  1st  floor  number  9  and  10. 

Thankyou  said  Bernard  we  will  go  up  if 
you  have  no  objection. 

None  whatever  sir  said  the  genial  lady 
the  beds  are  well  aired  and  the  view  is  quite 
pleasant. 

Come  along  Ethel  cried  Bernard  this 
sounds  alright  eh. 

Oh  quite  said  Ethel  with  a  beaming  smile. 

They  went  upstairs  and  entered  number 
9  a  very  fine  compartment  with  a  large 
douny  bed  and  white  doors  with  glass  han- 
dles leading  into  number  10  an  equally 
dainty  room  but  a  trifle  smaller. 

Which  will  you  have  Ethel  asked  Ber- 
nard. 

Oh  well  I  would  rarther  you  settled  it 
[77] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITORS 

said  Ethel.  I  am  willing  to  abide  by  your 
choice. 

The  best  shall  be  yours  then  said  Bernard 
bowing  gallantly  and  pointing  to  the  biggest 
room. 

Ethel  blushed  at  his  speaking  look.  I 
shall  be  quite  lost  in  that  huge  bed  she 
added  to  hide  her  embarassment. 

Yes  I  expect  you  will  said  Bernard  and 
now  what  about  a  little  table  d'ote  followed 
by  a  theater. 

Oh  yes  cried  Ethel  and  downstairs  they 
went. 


[78] 


CHAPTER  8 

A  GAY  CALL 

I  TELL  you  what  Ethel  said  Bernard  Clark 
about  a  week  later  we  might  go  and  pay  a 
call  on  my  pal  the  Earl  of  Clincham. 

Oh  do  lets  cried  Ethel  who  was  game  for 
any  new  adventure  I  would  dearly  love  to 
meet  his  lordship. 

Bernard  gave  a  frown  of  jellousy  at  her 
rarther  mere  words. 

Well  dress  in  your  best  he  muttered. 

Ethel  skipped  into  her  bedroom  and  ar- 
rayd  herself  in  a  grass  green  muslin  of  de- 
cent cut  a  lace  scarf  long  faun  colored  kid 
gloves  and  a  muslin  hat  to  correspond.  She 
carried  a  parasole  in  one  hand  also  a  green 
silk  bag  containing  a  few  stray  hair  pins  a 
clean  handkerchief  five  shillings  and  a  pot 
of  ruge  in  case.  She  looked  a  dainty  vishen 
[79] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITBRS 

with  her  fair  hair  waving  in  the  breeze 
and  Bernard  bit  his  lips  rarther  hard  for 
he  could  hardly  contain  himself  and  felt  he 
must  marry  Ethel  soon.  He  looked  a  hand- 
some sight  himself  in  some  exquisite  white 
trousers  with  a  silk  shirt  and  a  pale  blue 
blazer  belt  and  cap.  He  wore  this  in  honour 
of  the  earl  who  had  been  to  Cambridge  in 
his  youth  and  so  had  Bernard  Clark. 

At  last  they  found  themselves  in  the  en- 
trance hall  of  the  Crystals  palace  and 
speedily  made  their  way  to  the  privite  com- 
partments. Edward  Procurio  was  walking 
up  and  down  the  passage  looking  dark  and 
mystearious  as  usual. 

Is  His  Lordship  at  home  cried  Bernard 
Clark  cheerily. 

Which  one  asked  Procurio  many  lords 
live  here  he  said  scornfully. 

Well  I  mean  the  Earl  of  Clincham  said 
Bernard. 

Oh  yes  he  is  in  responded  Procurio  and 
to  the  best  of  my  belief  giving  a  party. 
[80] 


A  GAY  CALL 

Indeed  ejaculated  Bernard  we  have  come 
in  the  nick  of  time  Ethel  he  added.  Yes 
said  Ethel  in  an  excited  tone. 

Then  they  pealed  on  the  bell  and  the 
door  flew  open.  Sounds  of  laughter  and 
comic  songs  issued  from  the  abode  and  in  a 
second  they  were  in  the  crowded  drawing 
room.  It  was  packed  with  all  the  Elite  and 
a  stout  duchess  with  a  good  natured  face 
was  singing  a  lively  song  and  causing  much 
merriment.  The  earl  strode  forward  at 
sight  of  two  new  comers.  Hullo  Bernard 
old  boy  he  cried  this  is  a  pleasure  and  who 
have  you  got  with  you  he  added  glancing 
at  Ethel. 

Oh  this  is  Miss  Monticue  said  Bernard 
shall  I  introduce  you 

If  you  will  be  so  good  said  the  Earl  in  an 
affable  tone  and  Bernard  hastily  performed 
the  right.  Ethel  began  a  bright  conversa- 
tiun  while  Bernard  stroled  off  to  see  if  he 
could  find  any  friends  amid  the  throng. 
[81] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

What  pleasant  compartments  you  have 
cried  Ethel  in  rarther  a  socierty  tone. 

Fairly  so  so  responded  the  Earl  do  you 
live  in  London  he  added  in  a  loud  tone  as 
someone  was  playing  a  very  difficult  peice 
on  the  piano. 

Well  no  I  dont  said  Ethel  my  home  is 
really  in  Northumberland  but  I  am  at  pres- 
ent stopping  with  Mr  Clark  at  the  Gaierty 
Hotel  she  continud  in  a  somewhat  showing 
off  tone. 

Oh  I  see  said  the  earl  well  shall  I  intro- 
duce you  to  a  few  of  my  friends. 

Of  please  do  said  Ethel  with  a  dainty 
blow  at  her  nose. 

The  earl  disserppeard  into  the  madding 
crowd  and  presently  came  back  with  a  mid- 
dle aged  gentleman.  This  is  Lord  Hyssops 
he  said  my  friend  Miss  Monticue  he  added 
genially. 

Ethel  turned  a  dull  yellaw.     Lord  Hys- 
sops she  said  in  a  faint  voice  why  it  is  Mr 
Salteena  I  know  him  well. 
[82] 


A  GAY  CALL 

Hush  cried  the  Earl  it  is  a  title  bestowd 
recently  by  my  friend  the  Prince  of  Wales. 

Yes  indeed  murmered  Mr  Salteena  deeply 
flabbergasted  by  the  ready  wit  of  the  earl. 

Oh  indeed  said  Ethel  in  a  peevish  tone 
well  how  do  you  come  to  be  here. 

I  am  stopping  with  his  Lordship  said  Mr 
Salteena  and  have  a  set  of  compartments  in 
the  basement  so  there. 

I  dont  care  said  huffy  Ethel  I  am  in  hand- 
some rooms  at  the  Gaierty. 

Nothing  could  be  nicer  I  am  sure  struck 
in  the  earl  what  do  you  say  Hyssops  eh. 

Doubtless  it  is  charming  said  Mr  Salteena 
who  was  wanting  peace  tell  me  Ethel  how 
did  you  leave  Bernard. 

I  have  not  left  him  said  Ethel  in  an  an- 
noying voice  I  am  stopping  with  him  at  the 
gaierty  and  we  have  been  to  lots  of  the- 
aters and  dances. 

Well  I  am  glad  you  are  enjoying  yourself 
said  Mr  Salteena  kindly  you  had  been  look- 
ing pale  of  late. 


THE   YOUNG   VISITEES 

No  wonder  in  your  stuffy  domain  cried 
Ethel  well  have  you  got  any  more  friends 
she  added  turning  to  the  earl. 

Well  I  will  see  said  the  obliging  earl  and 
he  once  more  disapeared. 

I  dont  know  why  you  should  turn  against 
me  Ethel  said  Mr  Salteena  in  a  low  tone. 

Ethel  patted  her  hair  and  looked  very 
sneery.  Well  I  call  it  very  mystearious 
you  going  off  and  getting  a  title  said  Ethel 
and  I  think  our  friendship  had  better  stop 
as  no  doubt  you  will  soon  be  marrying  a 
duchess  or  something. 

Not  at  all  said  Mr  Salteena  you  must 
know  Ethel  he  said  blushing  a  deep  red  I 
always  wished  to  marry  you  some  fine  day. 

This  is  news  to  me  cried  Ethel  still  pee- 
vish. 

But  not  to  me  murmered  Mr  Salteena 
and  his  voice  trembled  in  his  chest.  I  may 
add  that  I  have  always  loved  you  and  now 
I  seem  to  do  so  madly  he  added  passion- 
ately. 

[84] 


A  GAY  CALL 

But  I  dont  love  you  responded  Ethel. 

But  if  you  married  me  you  might  get  to 
said  Mr  Salteena. 

I  think  not  replied  Ethel  and  all  the  same 
it  is  very  kind  of  you  to  ask  me  and  she 
smiled  more  nicely  at  him. 

This  is  agony  cried  Mr  Salteena  clutching 
hold  of  a  table  my  life  will  be  sour  grapes 
and  ashes  without  you. 

Be  a  man  said  Ethel  in  a  gentle  whisper 
and  I  shall  always  think  of  you  in  a  warm 
manner. 

Well  half  a  loaf  is  better  than  no  bread 
responded  Mr  Salteena  in  a  gloomy  voice 
and  just  then  the  earl  reappeard  with  a  very 
brisk  lady  in  a  tight  silk  dress  whose  name 
was  called  Lady  Gay  Finchling  and  her 
husband  was  a  General  but  had  been  dead 
a  few  years.  So  this  is  Miss  Monticue  she 
began  in  a  rarther  high  voice.  Oh  yes  said 
Ethel  and  Mr  Salteena  wiped  the  foaming 
dew  from  his  forehead.  Little  did  Lady 
[85] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

Gay  Finchling  guess  she  had  just  disturbed 
a  proposal  of  marrage. 

The  Earl  chimed  into  the  conversation 
now  and  again  and  Lady  Gay  Finchling  told 
several  rarther  witty  stories  to  enliven  the 
party.  Then  Bernard  Clark  came  up  and 
said  they  had  better  be  going. 

Well  goodbye  Clincham  he  said  I  must 
say  I  have  enjoyed  this  party  most  re- 
chauffie  I  call  it  dont  you  Ethel. 

Most  cried  Ethel  I  suppose  you  often 
come  she  added  in  a  tone  of  envy  to  Lady 
Gay  Finchling. 

Pretty  often  said  Lady  G.  F.  well  goodbye 
as  I  see  you  are  in  a  hurry  to  be  off  and 
she  dashed  off  towards  the  refreshment 
place. 

Goodbye  Ethel  said  poor  Mr  Salteena  in 
a  spasam  and  he  seized  hold  of  her  hand 
you  will  one  day  rue  your  wicked  words 
farewell  he  repeated  emphatically. 

Oh  well  goodbye  said  Ethel  in  a  vage 
tone  and  then  turning  to  the  earl  she  said 
[86] 


A  GAY  CALL 

I  have  enjoyed  myself  very  much  thankyou. 

Please  dont  mention  it  cried  the  earl  well 
goodbye  Bernard  he  added  I  shall  look  you 
up  some  day  at  your  hotel. 

Yes  do  muttered  Bernard  always  welcome 
Clincham  old  boy  he  added  placing  his  blue 
crickit  cap  on  his  head  and  so  saying  he 
and  Ethel  left  the  gay  scene  and  once  more 
oozed  fourth  into  the  streets  of  London. 


[87] 


CHAPTER  9 

A  PROPOSALS 

NEXT  morning  while  imbibing  his  morning 
tea  beneath  his  pink  silken  quilt  Bernard 
decided  he  must  marry  Ethel  with  no  more 
delay.  I  love  the  girl  he  said  to  himself 
and  she  must  be  mine  but  I  somehow  feel  I 
can  not  propose  in  London  it  would  not  be 
seemly  in  the  city  of  London.  We  must  go 
for  a  day  in  the  country  and  when  surround- 
ed by  the  gay  twittering  of  the  birds  and 
the  smell  of  the  cows  I  will  lay  my  suit  at 
her  feet  and  he  waved  his  arm  wildly  at  the 
gay  thought.  Then  he  sprang  from  bed  and 
gave  a  rat  tat  at  Ethels  door. 

Are  you  up  my  dear  he  called. 

Well  not  quite  said  Ethel  hastilly  jump- 
ing from  her  downy  nest. 

Be  quick  cried  Bernard  I  have  a  plan  to 
[88] 


A  PROPOSALS 

spend  a  day  near  Windsor  Castle  and  we 
will  take  our  lunch  and  spend  a  happy  day. 

Oh  Hurrah  shouted  Ethel  I  shall  soon  be 
ready  as  I  had  my  bath  last  night  so  wont 
wash  very  much  now. 

No  dont  said  Bernard  and  added  in  a 
rarther  fervent  tone  through  the  chink  of 
the  door  you  are  fresher  than  the  rose  my 
dear  no  soap  could  make  you  fairer. 

Then  he  dashed  off  very  embarrased  to 
dress.  Ethel  blushed  and  felt  a  bit  excited 
as  she  heard  the  words  and  she  put  on  a 
new  white  muslin  dress  in  a  fit  of  higli 
spirits.  She  looked  very  beautifull  with 
some  red  roses  in  her  hat  and  the  dainty 
red  ruge  in  her  cheeks  looked  quite  the 
thing.  Bernard  heaved  a  sigh  and  his  eyes 
flashed  as  he  beheld  her  and  Ethel  thorght 
to  herself  what  a  fine  type  of  manhood  he 
reprisented  with  his  nice  thin  legs  in  pale 
broun  trousers  and  well  fitting  spats  and  a 
red  rose  in  his  button  hole  and  rarther  a 
sporting  cap  which  gave  him  a  great  air 
[89] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

with  its  quaint  check  and  little  flaps  to  pull 
down  if  necesarry.  Off  they  started  the 
envy  of  all  the  waiters. 

They  arrived  at  Windsor  very  hot  from 
the  jorney  and  Bernard  at  once  hired  a  boat 
to  row  his  beloved  up  the  river.  Ethel 
could  not  row  but  she  much  enjoyed  seeing 
the  tough  sunburnt  arms  of  Bernard  tug- 
ging at  the  oars  as  she  lay  among  the  rich 
cushons  of  the  dainty  boat.  She  had  a 
rarther  lazy  nature  but  Bernard  did  not 
know  of  this.  However  he  soon  got  dog 
tired  and  sugested  lunch  by  the  mossy  bank. 

Oh  yes  said  Ethel  quickly  opening  the 
sparkling  champaigne. 

Dont  spill  any  cried  Bernard  as  he  carved 
some  chicken. 

They  eat  and  drank  deeply  of  the  charm- 
ing viands  ending  up  with  merangs  and 
choclates. 

Let  us  now  bask  under  the  spreading 
trees  said  Bernard  in  a  passiunate  tone. 

Oh  yes  lets  said  Ethel  and  she  opened  her 
[90] 


A  PROPOSALS 

dainty  parasole  and  sank  down  upon  the 
long  green  grass.  She  closed  her  eyes  bnt 
she  was  far  from  asleep.  Bernard  sat  be- 
side her  in  profound  silence  gazing  at  her 
pink  face  and  long  wavy  eye  lashes.  He 
puffed  at  his  pipe  for  some  moments  while 
the  larks  gaily  caroled  in  the  blue  sky. 
Then  he  edged  a  trifle  closer  to  Ethels  form. 

Ethel  he  murmured  in  a  trembly  voice. 

Oh  what  is  it  said  Ethel  hastily  sitting 
up. 

Words  fail  me  ejaculated  Bernard  horsly 
my  passion  for  you  is  intense  he  added  fer- 
vently. It  has  grown  day  and  night  since  I 
first  beheld  you. 

Oh  said  Ethel  in  supprise  I  am  not  pre- 
pared for  this  and  she  lent  back  against  the 
trunk  of  the  tree. 

Bernard  placed  one  arm  tightly  round 
her.  When  will  you  marry  me  Ethel  he  ut- 
tered you  must  be  my  wife  it  has  come  to 
that  I  love  you  so  intensly  that  if  you  say 
no  I  shall  perforce  dash  my  body  to  the 
[91] 


THE   YOUNG  VISITERS 

brink  of  yon  muddy  river  he  panted  wildly. 

Oh  dont  do  that  implored  Ethel  breathing 
rarther  hard. 

Then  say  you  love  me  he  cried. 

Oh  Bernard  she  sighed  fervently  I  cer- 
tinly  love  you  madly  you  are  to  me  like  a 
Heathen  god  she  cried  looking  at  his  manly 
form  and  handsome  flashing  face  I  will  in- 
deed marry  you. 

How  soon  gasped  Bernard  gazing  at  her 
intensly. 

As  soon  as  possible  said  Ethel  gently 
closing  her  eyes. 

My  Darling  whispered  Bernard  and  he 
seiezed  her  in  his  arms  we  will  be  marrid 
next  week. 

Oh  Bernard  muttered  Ethel  this  is  so 
sudden. 

No  no  cried  Bernard  and  taking  the  bull 
by  both  horns  he  kissed  her  violently  on  her 
dainty  face.  My  bride  to  be  he  munnered 
several  times. 

[92] 


A  PROPOSALE 

Ethel  trembled  with  joy  as  she  heard  the 
mistick  words. 

Oh  Bernard  she  said  little  did  I  ever 
dream  of  such  as  this  and  she  suddenly 
fainted  into  his  out  stretched  arms. 

Oh  I  say  gasped  Bernard  and  laying  the 
dainty  burden  on  the  grass  he  dashed  to  the 
waters  edge  and  got  a  cup  full  of  the  fra^ 
grant  river  to  pour  on  his  true  loves  pallid 
brow. 

She  soon  came  to  and  looked  up  with  a 
sickly  smile  Take  me  back  to  the  Gaierty 
hotel  she  whispered  faintly. 

With  plesure  my  darling  said  Bernard  I 
will  just  pack  up  our  viands  ere  I  unloose 
the  boat. 

Ethel  felt  better  after  a  few  drops  of 
champagne  and  began  to  tidy  her  hair  while 
Bernard  packed  the  remains  of  the  food. 
Then  arm  in  arm  they  tottered  to  the  boat. 

I  trust  you  have  not  got  an  illness  my 
darling  murmured  Bernard  as  he  helped 
her  in. 

[93] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

Oh  no  I  am  very  strong  said  Ethel  I 
fainted  from  joy  she  added  to  explain  mat- 
ters. 

Oh  I  see  said  Bernard  handing  her  a 
cushon  well  some  people  do  he  added  kindly 
and  so  saying  they  rowed  down  the  dark 
stream  now  flowing  silently  beneath  a  gold- 
en moon.  All  was  silent  as  the  lovers  glided 
home  with  joy  in  their  hearts  and  radiunce 
on  their  faces  only  the  sound  of  the  mys- 
tearions  water  lapping  against  the  frail 
vessel  broke  the  monotony  of  the  night. 

So  I  will  end  my  chapter. 


[94] 


CHAPTER  10 

PREPARING  FOR  THE  FRAY 

THE  next  few  days  were  indeed  bussy  for 
Ethel  and  Bernard.  First  of  all  Ethel  got 
some  dainty  pink  note  paper  with  silver 
crest  on  it  and  sent  out  invitations  in  the 
following  terms  to  all  their  frends. 

Miss  Ethel  Monticue  will  be  married  to 
Mr  Bernard  Clark  at  Westminster  Abbey 
on  June  10th.  Your  company  is  request- 
ed there  at  2-30  sharp  and  afterwards 
for  refreshment  at  the  Gaierty  Hotel. 
R.S.V.P. 

Having  posted  heaps  of  these  and  got  sev- 
eral replies  Ethel  began  to  order  her  wed- 
ding dress  which  cost  a  good  bit.  She  chose 
a  rich  satin  with  a  humped  pattern  of  gold 
on  the  pure  white  and  it  had  a  long  train 
[95] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

edged  with  Airum  lilies.  Her  veil  was  of 
pure  lace  with  a  crown  of  orange  blossum. 
Her  bouquett  she  ordered  to  be  of  white 
dog  daisies  St.  Joseph  lilies  and  orange 
blossums  tied  up  with  pale  blue  satin  rib- 
bon. 

You  will  indeed  be  a  charming  spectacle 
my  darling  gasped  Bernard  as  they  left  the 
shop.  Then  they  drove  to  the  tailor  where 
Bernard  ordered  an  elligant  black  suit  with 
coat  tails  lined  with  crimson  satin  and  a 
pale  lavender  tie  and  an  opera  hat  of  the 
same  hue  and  he  intended  to  wear  violets  in 
his  buttonholes  also  his  best  white  spats 
diamond  studs  and  a  few  extras  of  costly 
air.  They  both  ordered  a  lot  of  new  clothes 
besides  and  Bernard  gave  Ethel  a  very  huge 
tara  made  of  rubies  and  diamonds  also  two 
rich  bracelets  and  Ethel  gave  him  a  bran 
new  trunk  of  shiny  green  leather.  The  earl 
of  Clincham  sent  a  charming  gift  of  some 
hem  stitched  sheets  edged  with  real  lace  and 
a  photo  of  himself  in  a  striking  attitude. 
[96] 


PREPARING   FOR  THE   FRAY 

Mr  Salteena  sent  Ethel  a  bible  with  a  few 
pious  words  of  advice  and  regret  and  he 
sent  Bernard  a  very  handy  little  camp  stool. 
Ethels  parents  were  too  poor  to  come  so 
far  but  her  Mother  sent  her  a  gold  watch 
which  did  not  go  but  had  been  some  years 
in  the  family  and  her  father  provided  a 
cheque  for  £2  and  promised  to  send  her  a 
darling  little  baby  calf  when  ready.  Then 
they  ordered  the  most  splendid  refresh- 
ments they  had  tea  and  coffie  and  sparkling 
wines  to  drink  also  a  lovly  wedding  cake  of 
great  height  with  a  sugar  angel  at  the  top 
holding  a  sword  made  of  almond  paste. 
They  had  countless  cakes  besides  also  ices 
jelly  merangs  jam  tarts  with  plenty  of  jam 
on  each  some  cold  tongue  some  ham  with 
salid  and  a  pig's  head  done  up  in  a  won- 
drous manner.  Ethel  could  hardly  contain 
herself  as  she  gazed  at  the  sumpshious  re- 
past and  Bernard  gave  her  a  glass  of  rich 
wine  while  he  imbibed  some  whiskey  before 
going  to  bed.  Ethel  got  speedilly  into  her 
[97] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

bed  for  the  last  time  at  the  dear  old  Gaierty 
and  shed  a  few  salt  tears  thinking  of  her 
past  life  but  she  quickly  cheerd  up  and  be- 
gan to  plan  about  how  many  children  she 
would  have.  I  hope  I  shall  have  a  good  lot 
she  thourght  to  herself  and  so  saying  fell 
into  repose. 


[98] 


CHAPTER  11 

THE  WEDDING 

THE  Abbey  was  indeed  thronged  next  day 
when  Ethel  and  Bernard  cantered  up  in  a 
very  fine  carrage  drawn  by  two  prancing 
steeds  who  foamed  a  good  deal.  In  the 
porch  stood  several  clean  altar  boys  who 
conducted  the  lucky  pair  up  the  aile  while 
the  organ  pealed  a  merry  blast.  The  mighty 
edifice  was  packed  and  seated  in  the  front 
row  was  the  Earl  of  Clincham  looking  very 
brisk  as  he  was  going  to  give  Ethel  away  at 
the  correct  moment.  Beside  him  sat  Mr 
Salteena  all  in  black  and  looking  bitterly 
sad  and  he  ground  his  teeth  as  Ethel  came 
marching  up.  There  were  some  merry 
hymns  and  as  soon  as  Ethel  and  Bernard 
were  one  the  clergyman  began  a  sermon 
about  Adam  and  Eve  and  the  serpent  and 
[99] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

Mr  Salteena  cried  into  his  large  handker- 
chief and  the  earl  kept  on  nudging  him  as 
his  sniffs  were  rarther  loud.  Then  the  wed- 
ding march  pealed  fourth  and  doun  the 
church  stepped  Ethel  and  Bernard  as  hus- 
band and  wife.  Into  the  cab  they  got  and 
speedelly  dashed  off  to  the  Gaierty.  The 
wedding  refreshments  were  indeed  a  treat 
to  all  and  even  Mr  Salteena  cheered  up 
when  he  beheld  the  wedding  cake  and  spar- 
kling wines.  Then  the  earl  got  up  and  made 
a  very  fine  speech  about  marrage  vows  and 
bliss  and  he  quoted  several  good  bits  from 
the  bible  which  got  a  lot  of  applause.  Ber- 
nard replied  in  good  round  terms.  I  thank 
your  lordship  for  those  kind  remarks  he  said 
in  clear  tones  I  expect  we  shall  be  as  happy 
as  a  lark  and  I  hope  you  will  all  be  ditto 
some  day.  Here  Here  muttered  a  stray  lady 
in  the  crowd  and  down  sat  Bernard  while 
Ethel  went  up  to  change  her  wedding  gar- 
ment for  a  choice  pink  velvit  dress  with  a 
goldeji  gurdle  and  a  very  chick  tocque.  Ber- 
[100] 


THE  WEDDING 

nard  also  put  on  a  new  suit  of  blue  stripe 
and  some  silk  socks  and  clean  under  cloth- 
ing. Hurah  hurah  shouted  the  guests  as 
the  pair  reappeard  in  the  aforesaid  get  ups. 
Then  everybody  got  a  bag  of  rice  and 
sprinkled  on  the  pair  and  Mr  Salteena  sadly 
threw  a  white  tennis  shoe  at  them  wiping 
his  eyes  the  while.  Off  drove  the  happy  pair 
and  the  guests  finished  up  the  food.  The 
happy  pair  went  to  Egypt  for  there  Hony- 
moon  as  they  thought  it  would  be  a  nice 
warm  spot  and  they  had  never  seen  the 
wondrous  land.  Ethel  was  a  bit  sick  on  the 
boat  but  Bernard  braved  the  storm  in  man- 
ly style.  However  Ethel  had  recovered  by 
the  time  they  got  to  Egypt  and  here  we 
will  leave  them  for  a  merry  six  weeks  of 
bliss  while  we  return  to  England. 


CHAPTER  12 

HOW  IT  ENDED 

MR  SALTEENA  by  the  aid  of  the  earl  and  the 
kindness  of  the  Prince  of  Wales  managed  to 
get  the  job  his  soul  craved  and  any  day 
might  be  seen  in  Hyde  park  or  Pickadilly 
galloping  madly  after  the  Royal  Carrage  in 
a  smart  suit  of  green  velvit  with  knicker- 
bockers compleat.  At  first  he  was  rarther 
terrified  as  he  was  not  used  to  riding  and 
he  found  his  horse  bumped  him  a  good  deal 
and  he  had  to  cling  on  desperatly  to  its 
flowing  main.  At  other  times  the  horse 
would  stop  dead  and  Mr  Salteena  would  use 
his  spurs  and  bad  languige  with  no  avail. 
But  he  soon  got  more  used  to  his  fresh  and 
sultry  steed  and  His  Royal  Highness  seemed 
satisfide. 

The  Earl  continued  his  merry  life  at  the 
[102] 


HOW  IT  ENDED 

Compartments  till  finally  he  fell  in  love 
with  one  of  the  noble  ladies  who  haunted 
them.  She  was  not  so  pretty  as  Ethel  as 
she  had  rarther  a  bulgy  figure  and  brown 
eyes  but  she  had  lovely  raven  tresses  a 
pointed  nose  and  a  rose  like  complexion  of 
a  dainty  hue.  She  had  very  nice  feet  and 
plenty  of  money.  Her  name  was  called 
Lady  Helena  Herring  and  her  age  was  25 
and  she  mated  well  with  the  earl. 

Mr  Salteena  grew  very  lonely  after  the 
earl  was  marrid  and  he  could  not  bear  a 
single  life  any  more  so  failing  Ethel  he 
marrid  one  of  the  maids  in  waiting  at  Buck- 
ingham palace  by  name  Bessie  Topp  a  pies- 
ant  girl  of  18  with  a  round  red  face  and 
rarther  stary  eyes. 

So  now  that  all  our  friends  are  marrid  I 
will  add  a  few  words  about  their  familys, 
Ethel  and  Bernard  returned  from  their 
Honymoon  with  a  son  and  hair  a  nice  fat 
baby  called  Ignatius  Bernard.  They  soon 
[103] 


THE  YOUNG  VISITERS 

had  six  more  children  four  boys  and  three 
girls  and  some  of  them  were  twins  which 
was  very  exciting. 

The  Earl  only  got  two  rarther  sickly  girls 
called  Helen  and  Marie  because  the  last  one 
looked  slightly  french. 

Mr  Salteena  had  a  large  family  of  10  five 
of  each  but  he  grew  very  morose  as  the 
years  rolled  by  and  his  little  cottage  was 
very  noisy  and  his  wife  was  a  bit  annoying 
at  times  especially  when  he  took  to  dream- 
ing of  Ethel  and  wishing  he  could  have  mar- 
rid  her.  Still  he  was  a  pius  man  in  his  way 
and  found  relief  in  prayer. 

Bernard  Clark  was  the  happiest  of  our 
friends  as  he  loved  Ethel  to  the  bitter  end 
and  so  did  she  him  and  they  had  a  nice 
house  too. 

The  Earl   soon   got  tired  of  his  sickly 

daughters  and  his  wife  had  a  savage  temper 

so  he  thourght  he  would  divorce  her  and 

try  again  but  he  gave  up  the  idear  after 

[104] 


HOW  IT   ENDED 

several  attempts  and  decided  to  offer  it  up 
as  a  Mortification. 

So  now  my  readers  we  will  say  farewell 
to  the  characters  in  this  book. 


The  End 
by  Daisy  Ashford 


[105] 


This  book  is  DUE  on  the  last  date  stamped  below 


JUL  1  2  1937'  |!IAY  28 


2  6  199?/. 


JUL  28  1941 
AUa     1   1941 

NOV  2 

WOV  1 

AR  4      1947)S 
APR  2  4  1w 


AU610I972 


ID 


JAN3.M975 


OCT  2  0  1951  1 
NOV13f95f< 
DEC  7     1951 
DEC  20  1951  j 


'orm  L-9-35m-8,'28 


79 


3  1158  00424  2797 


A    001  278574    7 


